How to be happy single?

I can do things as per my wish and choice without bothering about any one. The room is all mine. I can stay in stripped also. The bed is all mine, can roll in my bed without disinclination even I can sleep all day without anyone disturbing me. I can stay in the bathroom as long as I want. Only cook the dishes I want to eat. I can check out everything I want on my laptop. Go home wee hours of the morning without feeling sheepish of hanging out with new found friends and drinking the night away.

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My acquaintance……………..

Because I never found someone who deserves me!

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m a weird person who comes from a very high-class family, is filthy rich, distinctly ravishing and is extremely accomplished.

I’m an ordinary person who comes from a middle-class family, average looking and not so skilled, but you see my problem is that I’m a very practical, yet very emotional person. Now, trust me, this is a RARE combination and is very dangerous.

I grew up in an environment where I always had to go extra miles to prove myself. Initially, I was this innocent girl who knew nothing about the cruel world out there and it’s ugly reality. I considered every person is genuine and real, as I’m, but oh dear lord, such a big mistake it was.

So, for years, I kept on dealing with fake people who had double standards and were wearing this mask that helps to hide their real face.

I remember that feeling well… But there is nothing wrong with being the last one in your group who is single. It’s all about timing, in my opinion, God’s timing.

 It’s not so taking it easy when all the peoples around me in the relationship and I’m not. Their priorities change from friends to the lover. They don’t even feel bad to say no for plans, spends less time with me. Even if they are with me either they’ll be on phone or talking about their SO.

My overwhelming exaltation……….

When I was dreaming about my prince by abolishing all the status in between us.The little girl in me, who grew up watching Titanic movie and fantasizing about a perfect love fairy tale where the prince is truly madly in love with his princess and always takes care of her, started meeting with people who are obsessed with the idea of love and have absolutely no clue about what love is. For others, it was something that could be tagged as MIRTH, just that! Nothing more than that

For me, love means mirth too, but it’s a lot more than that. For me, it means knowing my dream guy. Knowing his likes and dislikes. It’s about knowing what expectations he is holding from his life and how having me in his life will make a difference. No, I can’t compromise with any of the above. It’s better to be single than being in a meaningless relationship.

I wanted to connect more. I wanted to know more about the person I’m being with. I wanted to travel the road of his childhood with him where I can see whether he loved cricket more or football. I wanted to know if he realizes the difference between having parties to chill out or sitting near a beach with me to have a conversation.

I never found that someone who can kiss my forehead and tell me that he is equally proud of myself.

Somewhere there is the sparseness…..……

For my closed ones, I become accustomed to the coziness of my life which not allowing me to come out from that shield to accept someone because for them I have the apprehension of facing the ups and downs of the relationship. It’s completely absurd to me but the thing is I couldn’t spell out to the world that I don’t want to act as per other’s wish. At the end of the day, it’s my life where at least I have the discretion to express my views without any disinclination.

The only other time when I feel a little discontented with being single is on my birthday. After college, I don’t have a group of friends who will surprise me with cake on my birthday or spend a whole day making a handmade gift for me.

I barely get few phone calls mostly from family and FB wall full of wishes from people I know, nobody makes me feel special.

I think if I can’t enjoy my own company if I can’t stay happy when I’m single. How do I expect someone else to enjoy my company?

Presume that I’m preparing myself for the person who will be entering my life soon. Make myself better, improve a little for that person.

And being single is great. I have time to work on myself work on my hobbies, polish my skills.

To neutralize the notion…………

we commonly become emotional, either in times of sorrow e.g. at being separated from a loved one, at experiencing failure in an external event, on hearing a negative news, etc. or in times of joy.

The kind of stress is generally made up sorrow, anger, and fear – one of these three different negative emotions from time to time or more than one at the same time – phases of dejection or feeling low or a lack of enthusiasm or a general disinterest in life events; phases of frustration and experiencing a lack of control of events and people, due to which there are frequent outbursts of anger and phases of immense worry regarding the future, all of which affect our mind, our physical body, relationships and even success of our role; although it is our role itself (our over-identification with it) which is the root cause of this emotional turmoil inside us. So instead of benefitting our role, our over-concern for it starts affecting it adversely.

 Doctors inform us that over 90% of the physical body’s illnesses have a psychosomatic (mental) origin i.e. they are a direct or indirect result of our state of mind. That makes the human body the prime example of how thoughts affect matter.

Remember at the end of the day don’t obsess about it, just relax & live your life. Don’t compare your status to your friends, just enjoy yourself, & when you meet “the one’ you will see it was well worth the wait!!! Hang in there, it will get so much better!

When a man is victimized in a marital relationship?

Rodney and Melina did arrange marriage. Rodney wanted a none working woman to get married as his job entail moving around. Rodney was very focused towards his professional life and due to which he never fell ever for any woman in his life.

 Melina was his first, last (may be) and only love. He gave his soul to her and trusted her words because in return Melina said she loved him……

She gave her word that she isn’t a careerist woman and all she needed was a stable family with a well-settled future.

He trusted her each said word and they went ahead and got married.

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He was in the US, looked forward to visiting his home for the first time. He planned to take her to Niagara, as he wants to see the happiness and excitement on her face when she saw the spectacular sight of Niagara. Finally, they left for the trip, along with two more couples and she fought with him throughout the trip and made it a nightmare. He was made to feel small and felt extremely embarrassed. However, he let it go. Their days were peppered with good and bad days. When days were good, they were extremely good and when days were bad they were just horrible. She would walk from the house to the streets all alone. Being a temporary worker on a work permit, He would be scared, embarrassed and worried for her.

When they regret their marriage?……….

 Years rolled by, they got a child. Her parents got to him the cruelest people he has met. Enough said, her parents virtually changed her to act against him and his family. They wanted to take control of their lives through his wife. They lied to her, brainwashed her, they would present one-sided cooked up stories to her and it all culminated in his marriage breaking up. She ran away from his marriage along with his child. He has been robbed of the joys of fatherhood by his wife and gets crooked parents.

She broke his career, that he now rebuilding. He lost out on lots of good opportunities to go abroad and see new places due to problems in his marriage… He longed to take her and his child to new places. He wanted to take her to Ireland someday as it was her dream destination.

They had agreed that they will go abroad once both sets of grandparents get a chance to spend time with their grandchild. Rodney got offers to go abroad too and his office initiated visas. Later he found that she had found a job for herself. He had to let go of his career opportunities and kept hoping that one day he will get to see his child sleep next to him. She would assure him that they will live together again if he did what she asked him to. He set everything aside did everything she asked.

By surrendering the self-respect…………

 Rodney surrendered his self-respect in the hope of rebuilding their lives and to see his child with him. But every time he did what she wanted she would lay newer terms and conditions. At one point it just became way too overwhelming. He realized that she is a ruthless, heartless liar, who never really loved him and lied to him at every step. He said they must live together for the sake of their child but she chose to blame “fate” for their child’s fatherless life. She said she can live without him.

She might have stopped reciprocating to him because of some XYZ reasons but that never meant her love was not genuine. Love just can’t be faked. For her maybe the priorities have changed or she might be interested in somebody else and that might be the reason she doesn’t want to continue.

He was naive and cursed himself to have trusted this girl. To him, Melina neither deserves an institution called marriage nor does she deserve motherhood.

He more than willing to divorce this useless marriage now but a ruthless girl that she is, she will not respectfully separate from him and declined to divorce him as well. Neither did he have a way to see his child? It is ages since he saw his child and he knows the little one is being raised by some of the most uncultured, ruthless savages that he knows of. And yet there is a feeling of helplessness.

When all the doors are closed………

Now Rodney has lost all hope, to an extent that he did not even wish to see her ever again. He does not even want to try for a divorce. She is just not worth anything in his opinion.

She is now living with her parents enjoying her career, posing selfies in social media and spending money, time on herself and when time permits taking care of his child. He sometimes sees wonderful married women who are childless and pray day in and out for a child. Life is never fair right? Here is an undeserving woman enjoying motherhood while the ones that truly deserve motherhood don’t have a child!

Anyway, he just hates her now. Do not want to see her face again. She turned out to be a ruthless, heartless, irresponsible pathological liar.

Today Rodney still recovering from a broken marriage. He misses his child. And he slowly rebuilding himself more aware of realities around him.

He has never met such a bad person in his life and he regrets his decision to marry her. And he hopes no one in this world ever has to go through what he went through.

After loving, Rodney came to the tearful realization that he had married a selfish heartless woman who valued her self-indulgence more than her partner’s and children’s well-being and that she would never change.

Yes…a man can cry! ………..

 CRY! CRY it out once and for all. Crying really lifts off the burden. You’ll feel terrible when you cry, you’ll start rewinding it all in your mind, but just LET IT ALL OUT. You’ll feel hell better later. But then, never ever cry for the same person again.

An unsuccessful relationship often renders people heart broken and shattered in all the possible way. When you are at the receiving end and were deeply involved, you lose the hope to live and these shitty emotions really become life threatening. But no matter what, trust God. We often face situations that we think we can’t handle but we always do and everyone else too.

If you are asked again and again to prove your love to a girl, she is just playing with you. Maybe she is even making a mockery out of you with her friends. You don’t need to chase her and prove that you love her that frequently. You just need to tell her once. It requires a lot of courage to do that. You are putting your friendship at stake. Isn’t that enough to impress a girl? Remeber if she says no. Just move on. There is no wisdom in turning back.  

What is the love relationship psychology?

Keeva and Brian bestie, pursuing their 2nd year of business management. They both were the only child of their parents belongs from the middle-class family. Like these also few more similarities they have, but when it’s come to their goal about the career they became very classified. Brian helps her a lot in her studies he forever is a good score achiever in mathematics while the opposite is Keeva whose maths grade was not so satisfactory one but still Keeva surprised when Brian asked her to help him with his maths worksheet even he is the master of calculation.

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Their relationship slowly had been reaching beyond that friendship where earlier when Keeva used to share her lunch box with Brian, he never felt discomfort to have it, in fact, many times he snatched it from her hand, when its comes to his favourite items made by his sweet aunt (Keeva’s mother) as guys never carry lunch box after clicked from school, but now he begins to say her thanks for even a small bite of it. Even she observed that Brian was so jealous if he spots her talking with some other guy. He would keep taunting her for that it could be irritating.

 How to define this caring?………..

 Keeva noticed that sudden change grew up within him because his uttering of ‘thanks and sorry’ grew with passing days where earlier Brian never behaved so formal ever with his bestie. He now starts to learn to cook her favorite dish from his mother and make aware his parents about her. He always tries to surprise her for making her laugh. Even while crossing the road he always holds her hands and walks beside her in such a way that if a car hits then he would be the one to get hit first.

Keeva understood that Brian had already fallen for her and he won’t be able to express his feelings in front of her so she waited for his confession.

There Keeva’s parents had already started searching suitable groom for their daughter Keeva. Even her father chose the groom and fixed up the final date of marriage of Keeva without granting her affirmation. Her father when acknowledged her about her marriage with Sam, she in her low voice just told them that she didn’t want to marry now as after completion of her education she wants to do the job. But Keeva’s father was the man of the house who never thought necessary to take opinion from his family ever on any significant issue.

Here she was eagerly waiting for Brian’s up-front confession about his feelings as Brian gave her subtle hints like talking about family and kids. Yes, he talks about kids with her, the topic which freaks us out. The only reason for which he talking about kids with her is that he loves her and want their kids to look up to her as he knows that she would be a great mom. He already started thinking about her as his wife. She felt the gush in her blood.

Keeva observed his blushes when their friends derisively uttered her name with him. She felt when he cares her, respect her each sole decision and loves her in his eyes and in his smile.

Entering of someone……………..

Ultimately the day came when she had been convinced by her parents for marriage because she knows well that her father would never listen to her voice nor her mother has that guts to go against the decision of her father.

Keeva never met Sam before the engagement. She wasn’t thrilled to meet him. Sam didn’t look good at all. He was out of shape, partly balding and just not a looker at all. Moreover, he was unfriendly by nature.

So finally she got married to Sam without her acceptance and choice.

When she met this guy, she doesn’t think he would mean anything to her. But with passing time, she found genuinely interested in some another man whom the world defined as her husband. She even laughed at his stupid jokes and shared all her stories definitely except her past affection, just to keep the conversation going. Sam even casually flirted enough with his wife which makes her feel that he was interested too and she felt a different sort of happiness, not the kind when she was hanging out with her friends.

 As she now realized that Sam was the man in her life with whom she would have to spend her whole life with full faith and for this only reason she decided that she will share the utmost secret of her life regarding her bestie with her husband Sam because she doesn’t want to keep her husband in dark. As she wished for a new beginning.

Time revealed the past…………..

By trusting Sam’s affection, Keeva told him everything about her past. She portrayed her husband that how her bestie Brian feel for her intensely but never dare to proclaim ever in her presence. Sam now eager to listen in brief about their fondness, he makes the ambiance so friendly while listening all those that Keeva shared her all good moments spent with her bestie where the phase came when they both realized that their relationship now reached beyond the friendship.

It was all good for a while. But suddenly Sam just stops and those conversations become awkward. That drifts, she wondered that where she went wrong. What could have been? Those sleepless nights.

All of a sudden the past sharing of Keeva with her husband snatched her all marital happiness within a second. Sam changed the color like a chameleon. She started questioning him but didn’t get any answers not even got a proper closure. That moment where she has to learn to let go and it’s not so easy letting someone go when there was nothing to hate about the person. We all know how this goes.

When the relationship changes its color……..….

Sam never behaved nicely with her after that night. He comes back from office around 10.00pm, she already in the kitchen heating up the dinner. They sat for dinner, she asked him ‘How was your day?’ his response, ‘pathetic’ and she was not asked any further…

The dinner ends in silence in the next 10 minutes, he was already exhausted by then and leave to go to bed as he gets up at 6 am. No communication whatsoever.

They are forced to walk away and pretend like they didn’t mean anything to each other. For Sam once a cheater is always a cheater, so he never gave another chance to his partner after breaking his heart.

She started questioning but didn’t get any answer. Keeva now realized that Sam behaved like a typical husband who could never be her bestie. She shared her past with this faith that Sam would take it in a lighter way, exactly like Brian who comprehend her all good and bad sharing in a very casual manner when his reactions were always only for that moment, time specific, he never held a thing for a long time nor interpreted it ever in a differ way. He never gives up on her, when she starts freaking out because he knows how to calm down her. She was the only medicine for all his problems. Her voice, even a missed call from her was enough to lift him up in his life.

Sam never behaved nicely after that. He treats her like a servant. Even when she fell sick and did all household chores in her high fever, when she literally unable to get up and fetch herself a glass of water… her husband goes about his routine as if she does not exist. There were so many ways in which time and again, she received the message that he doesn’t love her. The relationship is closed chapter now for her and she pushed herself hard to move on.

 Now for Keeva sharing any problem with her parents was useless as they didn’t even consider those things a problem and it will only be a problem if her husband started beating her daily. She knew very firmly that there is always one person in the relationship who loves more than the other. The person who loves the least will have more control on the relation.

Feeling of repent …………….

Keeva’s marital life was now standing on compromise. She regrets that why she unravel her past to her husband when her husband wouldn’t ready to accept it as the past only which has no existence with her present and future. Moreover neither she had an affair with her bestie nor had any physical relation then on which basis her husband behaved so irrelevant with her? What was her crime?

Is to share the good memories of past with our closed ones is a crime? If yes then never share that past with your spouse which will destroy your marital life because at the end of the day they will also behave typically with you by overlooking your candor. Whereas they like openness but when its come to their personal life they wouldn’t ready to come out from that conventional shield of ignorant and egoism and immediately reacts.

Earlier Sam would love to play with her hairs, he would hold that strand of hair and gently put it behind her ear. Again to write her name on her back with his finger and then asked her to guess the word. Now circumstances were quite changed and her presence in the same room was also enough reason to irritate Sam.

While doing copulation Sam never asks her acquiescence, he treated her like a slave on the bed his animalism often shows on her physic. Whereas Brian never asks her to sleep with him against her wish because he respects her decision and won’t stop loving even if would say NO to him. She will have to initiate the talk if she wants to have it. If happens otherwise, it’s a warning sign. Because of he afraid to lose her for something as superficial as sex and he respects her too much to see her naked. He treats her like a precious diamond or a delicate doll. The care and compassion with which he handles her would melt her heart till.

She felt repent every second now that why she wouldn’t confess about her feelings towards Brian instead of waiting for his divulge. If she doesn’t wait for his confession then today they might have been living together.

 Brian cannot imagine his life without her as she was his oxygen, his water and every damn thing which is necessary for life. As he would treat her like a part of his soul and he was incomplete without her. She knows that her all dreams have died. Sometimes, she doesn’t even feel alive anymore. She has given up because she has no strength left to fight.

Remember few significant aspects of life………

  • Never lose your self-respect.
  • Let them blabber when they are angry, just stay calm ..! What goes around comes around.
  • Remember you survived even before you met that person, you can live even after they leave
  • Lack of communication, especially when it’s mandatory to uttered your feelings before it’s too late to solidify a relationship and when there is a misunderstanding also there where. No Communication is NEVER a solution to any problem in life. Be it friendship/romantic relationship or any other relationship. Sometimes they misunderstand you as being desperate when all you want is to be understood.
  • Care is sometimes misunderstood as pestering, love as torturing, not moving on as weakness and not letting go as stubbornness!
  • You are your best friend and you won’t judge yourself because only you know your true self and intentions.