What are bribery and its negative consequences?

“Do what is right, not what is easy or what is popular…..Roy T. Bennett”

What is Bribery?……….

Bribery is defined by Black’s Law Dictionary as the offering, giving, receiving, or soliciting of any item of value to influence the actions of an official or other people in charge of a public or legal duty.

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There are always two sides of bribery

  • Bribe-giver
  • Bribe-takers

The giver and taker of bribe are equally responsible for corruption and bribery and they both are punishable according to the law.

  • The bribe can be demanded by a government official for getting the legitimate work done.
  • The bribe can also be given to the government official by the citizens or businessman for getting their illegal work done.

There are two types of bribery… Collusive and Coercive
Let us assume total Crime = 100%, in any particular bribery incident.
Coercive bribery…
In the case of coercive corruption, there is a defined victim. The bribe giver is forced or coerced to pay out in order to get his work done. Suppose a farmer bribing the village accountant in order to get his land records.
Your fault is 21.2 % and officer’s fault is 78.8%.
Collusive bribery…
In collusive corruption, there is really no victim. It is the system that can be said to be victimized and exploited. Here both the bribe giver and the taker collude together to short-circuit the system. The 2G scam is a case in point. Telecom companies were said to have colluded with corrupt politicians and bureaucrats and achieved their ends. A young man paying off the policeman for being caught not wearing his helmet is also collusive corruption.
Your fault is 50% and officer’s fault is 50%.

In the act of bribe giving and taking, the givers and takers are the beneficiaries while the country and its people are the losers. To achieve an objective, one requires examining 4 different methods or ideas say….

  • In first simple and straight forward method, involving discussion with a person or group, understand their points of view, then putting across your points and convincing by conviction rather than coercion, thereby achieving your objective, which is originally a righteous one.
  • In the second method, where you try to give something to the other person/group and achieve your objective, you may call it bribe. But if your objective is a righteous one and the other person/group accepting your gift is not immoral, this cannot be a bribe.
  • In the third method, Divide & Rule. You create differences amongst the stake holders and achieve your objective.
  • In the fourth method, Punishment or by force. You show the stick and make the other person do what you want.

All the above 4 methods were prevalent from the day one of the civilization. However, the fourth method has been employed for achieving wrong or not so righteous objectives, which we call as bribe and corruption.

Corruption……..

Now before we step towards the concept of Bribe let begin the journey with its core concept of Corruption…..

Corruption is the misuse of public power by the elected politician or appointed civil servant for private gain. In order to ensure that not only public corruption but also private corruption between individuals and businesses could be covered by the same simple definition.

Corruption is the misuse of entrusted power by heritage, education, marriage, election, appointment or whatever else for private gain.

There are various forms of corruption…..

  • Demanding money/favors, taking the money and favors offered without demand.
  • Quid pro quo. I will do this for you, you do this for me.
  • Nepotism/Favoritism.
  • Using Government property like land, buildings, computer systems, cars, vehicles, etc.,
  • Demanding sexual favors, alcoholic parties, etc. asking for gifts, compliments.
  • Aiding the corrupt, without himself/herself indulging in direct corruption is also a form of corruption.

The executive, when aided by the legislature and also by the judiciary is absolute corruption and raping of the democracy. So, any type of Quid pro quo cultivates the system of giving and taking of the bribe, which is hazardous and immoral to any person or society or a country, is an illegal act towards civilization.

Reasons of Bribery……….

  • Lack of performance linked pay in the government system and the lack of adequate punishment system for inefficient and corrupt officials’.
  • Social acceptance of corrupt public servants in the country.
  • The willingness of citizens to pay the bribe for expediting their work and collisions of citizens and government officials to obtain illegal benefits or permission from government officials.
  • Inadequate anti-corruption machinery to investigate and prosecute corrupt officials during slow justice delivery system in Courts.

Difference between lobbying and bribery ……..

People participating in democracy by telling the government what they want, and voting and campaigning for the leaders they think are the best. This is entirely good and proper. On the other hand, you have people buying special favors from people in a position of power, this is corrupt and illegal. But there’s a middle ground between the two, where those who command the most money can influence politicians without bribing them directly. It’s very difficult to draw a clear line between where a participatory democracy ends and bribery begins.

The difference between lobbying and bribery is that bribery promises a politician money for their own use in exchange for improper considerations. Lobbying tells a politician what you want, with the understanding that you’ll support his future campaigns if he pleases you. A thin distinction? Certainly, but there’s only so much the law can do.

Difference between the bribe and fine……….

A bribe is an illegal payment to someone to gain some advantage from them and a fine is a penalty a court orders you to pay if you are caught and found guilty.

A bribe is a hidden and possibly illegal payment of money for some favor.

Fines are a way that governments attempt to discourage people from breaking the law. Bribes are always bad. Fines are good when they work to improve people’s behavior.

When a person gives a bribe of Rs 1, he usually extracts the benefit of much more money from the government officer. While if a government servant takes a bribe of Rs 1, he causes much bigger loss to the government and the nation.

Do anyone take the bribe for surviving?………

I wonder what sort of bribes you could be getting offered an how this cause effective in other’s people’s lives. For instance, if you are taking bribes about someone’s grades you may harm this person forever, as they will never learn. Also taking a bribe could very well cost you the job that is paying your bills then it is a major risk.

 However, sometimes we do that for the sake of the need for our survival. I personally would closely look at all other options I have before taking the bribe. If you have absolutely nothing else you can do and are at the point of starving, then may be I would take bribes until I was able to change my situation. At the end, though you need to be focused on putting yourself in a place where you are not even tempted to take bribes.

Though you always have two options. Either go along or find another job neither may be a viable choice. Unfortunately, bribes are a way of life in some countries. In other countries, it is a way to end up in prison. When you see this as an opportunity to change your careers and try to see it in a positive form then follow your instinct.

When we prioritize our needs with bargain?…….

How an average man brings out his work from the high officials lets us assume………

  • To get admission in many government hospitals directly without any local minister’s reference become a challenge for the patient but if we are ready to pay the lump sum to the management of the hospital as a BRIBE then we no need to wait for long hours in the queue to get the admission over there.
  • To get admission into school if we decide that our child is not going to a municipal/government run school because we don’t have faith in them. So, we are going and admitting the child into a corporate school/convent school, assuming that they are the perfect learning places for our child and we are paying the donation/admission fee, which is nothing but a BRIBE.
  •  A criminal may BRIBE police to avoid arrest or a businessman may BRIBE a tax-official for protecting himself while evading taxes.
  • A common man can BRIBE the TT to board the train on the basis of the waitlisted ticket or BRIBE the electricity meter reader to manipulate the meter to show less electricity bill.
  • When we need a small work from the local government/municipality and we are desperate that we will pay BRIBE and get it done.Use of black money by political parties during campaigning. 
  • Even if the work is a bit complicated we do not hesitate to approach a minister, viz., MLA/MP/ZPP etc… just to get our things done and the respective minister will interfere in the day to day routine work of the executive to favor us as we are BRIBING.
  • When we violate the traffic rules which were formed to benefit everybody and ensure smooth use of the roads by everyone and when we get caught, either we beg, or threaten or pay BRIBE rather than admit our mistake/offence, which is compoundable, and pay up the fine, then learn and practice, not to repeat this.

So above those are few clauses where we use our ploy to get done our work smoothly but apart from those there are also infinite causes are there in our personal and professional life where we are ready to compromise with our Moral Values in our daily life.

Is bribery illegal?………..

Bribery is giving someone a payment for special consideration which other people have to pay for. Say if I bribe a government official to get subsidies. The official himself gets all the money, but he pays for the subsidy with public money, collected from the taxpayers. He’s collecting the benefit and distributing the cost to the people who trusted him with that office.

Government rules need to apply equally and fairly to everyone. Allowing government officials to enrich themselves by selling government considerations is essentially theft from the public those considerations are not theirs to sell.
Every instance depends on context. Usually, bribery is recognized as an under the table payment to a politician, court officer, police officer or other public officials to obtain favorable treatment. These are all illegal.

Is anyone violates the vow after taking the bribe?……

The corrupt government officers have to maintain high-performance standards for their services. Once they accept the bribe, they have to deliver their vows. An official who takes the bribe and refuses to deliver loses his reputation and people refuse to pay any bribe to him in advance. They insist on getting the work done first before they pay even their first installment.

 Not only the government officers or ministers can cheat the bribe giver and refuse to do the work after taking the bribe. Sometimes the businessman or contractor also refuses to pay the promised amount of bribe once their work is done. However, corrupt officers are experts in their field and they know how to take the money from such people.

Corrupt officers have to build a high reputation to get bribe in advance and corrupt businessmen also have to build the high reputation for getting the work done without paying the bribe in advance.

Who is bad the donor or receiver?…………

The problem is that hardly a few people are really concerned about the loss to their country. Most people celebrate such bribe giver as a smart guy who managed the government officer. Even most people celebrate the skillfulness of the bribe taker, who uses his position to make more money for himself and his family.

Depends on what is being exchanged for the bribe, and who is initiating the action. Sometimes that which is being exchanged for the bribe would legitimately be passed on to the one giving the bribe, if not for obstruction from the one receiving the bribe. This is extortion, and the one bribing is a victim. In this case, it wouldn’t even matter who initiates the bribing act. The one receiving the bribe is in the wrong.

Sometimes the victim (may or may not be an individual) is an innocent 3rd party. Something is being illegitimately taken away from the 3rd party by the one receiving the bribe, and passed on to the one giving the bribe in exchange. In this case, both parties involved in the bribe transaction are colluding against the victim, and are equally in the wrong. However the ethical balance shifts against the party initiating the bribery act, as this is what starts the corruption cycle, which may not have been in existence prior to the act of solicitation. Although initiation becomes merely nominal if the bribery culture is already in place.

There are also few peoples who run charity are very very careful about the funds, and even if they are starving will never touch money kept aside for the charity.

So you must ask yourself what is taking this bribe going to cost you, as well as cost the person you are taking it from and is it worth it?

Every deed is our own choice……….

Just share with you one small story about two lecturers who retired from college, and filed papers for the process of their pension papers. One lecturer who studied and taught politics all his life paid up the demanded BRIBE and got his papers processed. The other lecturer who studied and taught commerce & economics all his life did not pay up the demanded BRIBE and got his papers processed, albeit a bit late, say 3–4 months. Both of them got the pension after retirement and both of them were honest during their service, both of them belong to the same caste, everything same. The difference is one believed what he studied and taught and the other taught one thing and practiced something else.

We indulge in BRIBING, to get what we want, whether we are entitled to it or not, and then we start complaining that the government is CORRUPT, when the actions are not favorable to us.

What kind of a person we are? Actually, we don’t have the self-confidence and faith in the system. We are out rightly selfish, undisciplined, irrational, and have no concern for our fellow citizen.

I am not saying that the corruption is OK. NO. Not at all. If every one of us refuses to bribe and wait patiently for your turn, your work will be done in a routine manner. Yes, you will find it difficult initially. You will be frustrated. After a period, you will be satisfied with your behavior and also with the system.

If we are on the right side of the law, disciplined and honest, lead life with a high level of integrity, we will not pay BRIBE. We may get hit and denied some of our legitimate rights, but it will be for a brief period. When we are about to leave this world, we leave satisfied.

There can be no bribery if the citizens are honest and they refuse to bribe. There can be no bribery if the government officials are honest and they refuse to accept the bribe. Since the government officials and the citizen are part of the same society, hence honest government officials can’t exist without honest citizen and vice-versa.

Unless the mindset of the peoples’ change and they start condemning both the bribe giver and the taker, the trend of bribing is not going to subside. At the end, every act is our own choice either we go with our moral values or ready to compromise with our ethics.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are…..Theodore Roosevelt”.

How good looks matter in our life?

Good looks!……..
Life becomes easier. Yes, looks matter in life. It’s a sad truth, but the truth it is. Beautiful face grabs attention and it becomes easy to get your things done. Good looks are captivating. It’s now an accomplished fact that attractive people find it easier to get promotions, crack an interview with the same knowledge as an average looking person and get away with things easily.

People judge you on the basis of looks and you get better treatment just because you look good. Beautiful souls are suffering because of ugly faces. It is definitely an unfair advantage one can get. Isn’t it injustice or unfair? It’s all about the face gifted to you which you never requested to have.

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Where look is the ultimate word?……

Looks matter a lot especially in some specific professions like in Customer Care related fields, like in Aviation, hospitality industry, sales and marketing, media(acting, modeling and fashion industry). These are those fields where your look is the ultimate word for survive and its pay you the utmost. It’s a firm belief that if you possess an alluring look then you can easily handle to your most irked customer also because beautiful faces on the average are treated better by most average looking people and peoples usually feel discomfort to shout upon beautiful faces. And that’s the reason why the company feels secured to hired good faces so that they could sell their products into the hands of those beautiful employees. As it’s being easier also to capture the attention of peoples without investing much effort and time to convey any message or to sell up any product of their company.

In specific working area……..

Investment professionals….

Almost always, there’s a trend in the people who are selected for the roles of Investment Bankers. Good-looking, tall, broad shouldered men with a baritone who conduct themselves excellently. Yes, they are pretty attractive. They have good knowledge about Finance, but it’s an undeniable fact that they may be chosen over an average guy with a better knowledge of Finance.

Selling and marketing…….

In a study of nearly 300 Dutch advertising agencies, economists found that firms with better-looking executives had higher revenues overall productivity resulting sales, were greater in companies with more attractive managers, partly because firms with more attractive workers have the competitive advantage when client interactions are involved. Companies with good-looking executives have higher sales.

Aviation industry………

I belong from Aviation background where I have seen in Airport that how peoples flock for viewing the air hostess and pilots. Also, I’m the evidence of those incidents … like in case of delayed flight when passenger lost their temperaments, then suddenly the entry of the Air hostess with her honey tongued message, makes the entire ambiance calm within a second.

Hotel industry………..

In the hospitality industry, good looks with personality are the key resort of survival like for receptionist, bartender. Your boss at work will respect you, especially if your job is about dealing with clients and customers.

Media…….

Looks are what is noticed first, and they are what make the first impression. And as the saying goes, the first impression is the last impression, unless it is deliberately messed up with. There are professions in which you simply won’t make it 99 times out of 100 if you do not have good looks such as fashion, modeling, cinema, media, etc.

 In reality shows like The X Factor, it’s not about who has the most talent, it’s about who’s more attractive because they know that more people will buy albums of attractive people than the latter. Hardly anybody cares about talent and hard work in comparison to the appearance in the music or acting industry, and who knows what other segments of the profession. Like a beautiful actress like Charlize Theron had to show her acting chops playing Aileen Wuornos in Monster before people could look past her pretty face and see her for a talented thespian, not just a model cum actress.

When the good look is mandatory?………..

Dating…..In dating, it matters a lot. It matters a lot for women to be physically attracted to a male. It matters for a man as well but not nearly to the same extent. This is because men are very perceptible when it comes to mate selection.

Marriage…..Marriages fail or even fail to happen in the first place because of looks. There are numerous people who have been rejected or ended their marriages because their partners cheat on them. These are because of attractions and attention outside the marriage. So yeah, if you’re ugly for your spouse or for your would be spouse, then there might be a problem.

Interview………. Looks in the sense of presentation. Always be clean, neat, presentable. Either be clean-shaven or keep that beard nice and well-trimmed/well-formed.
I’m sharing my personal experience at Frankfinn Institute of Airhostess training, one of the worlds number one best air hostess training Institute, where we have been trained and groomed for our overall personality development.

Your personality is what matters always, no matter where, when or with whom you are. Now if your personality is bad, no one is going to hire someone who is bad. Be confident, know what you’re looking for or to say that ”I DONT KNOW THIS”or something such if you don’t know the answer to a particular question, then never underestimate the interviewer’s analysis because it’s wise to surrender that you don’t know the answer than to rather just throwing random crap and hoping it turns to be true.

Advantages of good looks…………

It’s now an established fact that attractive people find it easier to get promotions, crack an interview with the same knowledge as an average looking person and get away with things easily. It matters in your professional and social life as well. For starters, good looking people earn more money and are generally presumed to be more trustworthy.

In educational Institute.…..

It has been found that also in top B-School, there’s a big commonality in the people who get really famous across the batch. It isn’t by the virtue of their academic background or any astounding skill, just by the virtue of their good-looks.

The opposite gender will always be extremely kind to the best-looking lot in the college and they receive a lot of help in many ways like to help them in Assignments of various subjects, Surveys during Marketing Research, Clubs- Committees pre-process etc

 Social connections…..

Beautiful people are usually more confident in social interactions, Specifically when expressing themselves. Apparently, because they feel confident that people won’t judge them.

Attractive people are more socially accepted. They generally have more friends, better jobs, and people like them better and treat them with more respect, more likable and trustworthy. They get mates earlier. They can make more social connections in a short time.

Fairness at Work………..

Research showed that the more attractive person was more likely to get the job and be offered more money even they give a lot of people that one chance which could change their lives forever than the unattractive applicant. Generally, the unattractive will earn about $5000 per year less than the attractive. When submitting work the attractive will be praised for average work and the unattractive will have to submit a high standard to get the same level of praise.

Favour from stranger……..

Also, a good-looking person is more likely to be the beneficiary of help by a random stranger than a person who doesn’t possess good looks be it in getting lifts, seeking assistance in project work, or special favors like jumping the queue by pleading with someone further ahead to buy their tickets.

Allure in court………..

Studies showed in the case of rape…Physically attractive victims and defendants are shown greater sympathy than those lower in physical attractiveness.
Assailants were more likely to be found guilty if the victim was beautiful.
Defendants who were unattractive were found guilty by 82% of jurors
Defendants who were highly attractive were found guilty by only 52% of jurors
For legal crimes and social offenses, the physically attractive are treated more leniently, given milder punishment.

In civil cases receive more favorable outcomes and receive larger amounts of money. It is hard to believe that there are advantages of beauty even for rapists but that is how humans are built and we can’t help ourselves unless we are aware of how pervasive the advantages of beauty.

In relationship ……….

Looks are the first thing that attracts you to a person.If you don’t feel attracted to anyone then you don’t get into any relationship with him/her. Attraction is just the beginning of a relationship but is mandatory. This doesn’t mean that if you feel attracted to someone then you may end up having a relationship with him…But for a relationship mutual attraction is must and that is why looks are very important in a relationship.

Special treatment from majority……

 The advantages of being attractive seem to be endless. Attractive people have an unfair advantage in almost all places, whether it is at school, work, the restaurant or any other place, attractive people receive a special treatment wherever they go, receive compliments from their family, friends and even strangers more often than less attractive people. Especially women, some even get tired of being complimented all the time.

Is Personality matters more than looks?………

 Grooming matters a lot in all aspect of the working field nowadays especially a good hair style, clean and good-smelling skin, clean shaven and well-chosen clothes, etc. Looks matter, but there are many very successful people who do not usually have “good looks.” The thing which matters more is how one presents themselves.

People who definitely don’t take care of themselves, who haven’t trimmed hair are dirty or smelling, who wear clothes that are unkempt, will not be treated as well as people who obviously take care of themselves. This may or may not be fair, but it happens.

Therefore, “presentation” matters more than “looks” even though looks do matter. A charming handsome who not groomed properly or presents neatly is likely to get a worse reception than a bad looking person who is groomed or presents decently.

Looks in the sense of Presentation matters a lot, say in case of your degree is worst it doesn’t matter. It will only get you in through the door and interviewer won’t even ask you about it, because to be very frank, that’s what your resume is for. So what else can you add beyond your resume? YOUR PERSONALITY! So only your Personality can make you unique from thousands of other people applying for that post with similar degrees.

Disadvantages of good looks……….

  • The biggest disadvantage of having good looks is being perceived as a snob. If a beautiful person attains a position of high value, they are often considered to be ‘getting by on their looks’ instead of making it on their skills or talent.
  • People expect you to be less talented. Especially in academics and work-field arena. Good-looking people can get insecure themselves about making it on their skills and not their appearance when they perceive their career progress as unjustified and people who have gotten by on their looks can get into serious psychological problems when their looks start to fade.
  • Beautiful women are much more likely to succumb to eating disorders or plastic surgery to increase their almost flawless beauty to become a 100% beautiful.
  • If you are a woman, men will often assume you are very sexually experienced, because they will assume that it is impossible for a woman so beautiful to be so pure, since men are constantly chasing after her. When you give people an inch, they try to take a yard. You’re surrounded by fake people.
  • Studies found that the ‘halo effect’ claims the perception of physical attractiveness is also a double-edged sword. Where people are likely to ascribe a host of positive qualities to attractive people, they are also more likely to believe that good-looking individuals are vain, dishonest, manipulative and likely to use their attractiveness for deceitful purposes.
  • Insecure men don’t trust their girlfriends and vice versa. People think up excuses to touch you/invade your space/start talking to you/violate your privacy.

What matters truly?…………

Good Looking people might have an advantage in their first impression. But it is totally untrue that first impressions last forever. They Don’t. We humans have always been attracted to emotions rather than looks.

Looks do matter.
They might have an advantage.
But only until you ACT or SPEAK.
Actions always replace looks.

People who depend too much on their looks, might not learn to work as hard as someone who has no option but to get to their goals through their own hard work. The same can be said about money matters. People who come from money have an easier time. Luckily, people who don’t come from money learn how to work harder.

On the contrary, looks may not matter much in the case of hiring a Data Science Ph.D. candidate. Also in some other professions such as Doctor or Engineer hiring people don’t bother much about their looks. Average-looking people who cannot ‘survive’ on their appearance alone, tend to focus on their skills and talents to make themselves successful, and they have fewer problems with growing older and losing their looks.

Mahatma Gandhi, Adolf Hitler, Mick Jagger, Albert Einstein, Barack Obama, Marie Curie, Helen Keller, Mother Teresa…These are all those great Idols of our life who achieved the highest position despite being their average looks.

In the end, your skills and talents and how you use them will matter in life. If looks were important to succeed in life, a lot more powerful people would be beautiful as well. Since there are a lot of average looking people who are extremely successful at life, your appearance is only moderately important to succeed, and there are other, more important factors, that will matter in your life.

So don’t crave for what you don’t have in spite grown up your Skill…Experience..Talent…these worth you in real mean till the end of life! 

What is fear and its consequences?

  A sentence by ‘Swami Vivekananda’ …….
“Take risks in Your life! If you win you can lead, If you loose you can guide”

We must not regret! We must learn! We must understand.
Regret will make you realize your mistake, but learning out of it will ensure that you won’t do it again and also you advise others not to.

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“Do one thing everyday that scares you”… ‘Eleanor Roosevelt.’

What is fear?……….

Fears are nothing more than states of mind. One’s state of mind is subject to control and direction.

Fear is above all a feeling which one developed by its own. Mostly, we feel fear when we are afraid of something, nevertheless, it can be triggered by less unknown events, like confronting an unknown situation or simply a phobia due to an old traumatism.

If you are not at all giving importance to yourself and searching all faults you done so far, will make you feel low and from next time you’ ll start believing that you aren’t able to handle the situations and this feeling is known as fear.
Fear is that soft corner in your heart for a person, or an object, or a dream.

Fear is a negative attachment. 

FEAR has two meanings ………

A phobia … Forget everything and run!

An opportunity… Face everything and rise!

The choice is yours!

F – False

E – Evidence

A – Appearing

R – Real.

When our mind generates fear?……..

Fear arises due to others when we depend upon others.

Man’s thought impulses begin immediately to translate themselves into their physical equivalent, whether those thoughts are voluntary or involuntary.

Fear is a response that happens when you feel sense you may lose something important to you. In other words, you value an outcome (it can be keeping what you possess or winning something you want) and you believe that not achieving the outcome is a greater cost than you would rather experience. This, in turn, releases a lot of excited chemicals that lead to effects like increased heartbeat, pulse rate, dry mouth, etc.

Fear is when everything else becomes quiet and the only sound that you can hear is your thumping heart, it’s a choice we can choose to not nourish it.

Where is the fear?………

There are few basic fears, with some combination of which every human suffers at one tune or another…….

    • The fear of death, sudden death at a young age or slow death at an old age.
    • The fear of ending up alone and lonely.
    • The fear of losing all our closed ones and friends.
    • The fear of being abandoned.
    • The fear of not being able to get the love of my life back.
    • The fear of criticism, being seen as a scam, for being someone who was completely fake, untrue to self.  
    • The fear of being poor and unable to reach our dreams and losing absolutely everything we had.
    • The fear of failure and unsuccess.
    • Love engenders fear. Of bereavement. Of grief. Of loss.

Where is the Fear of mine?………..

There are few aspects where I have fear …… I am afraid of wasting today…

  1. Being lonely…. Not having anyone to care around for me. I like people around me, and it really scares the shit out of me to even imagine that someday, there might be no-one around me. I feared to lose my soul.
  2.   Future…. No one knows what will happen in the future. I am really scared with the possibilities of future. I mean there is a positive side to everything, but I just can’t stop thinking about the negative aspects which give me many sleepless nights.
  3. Social Phobia… Fear of criticism, judgment, and rejection… Say I gave my best effort on some said work and the output came out with negative criticism which not only demoralized me but makes me more cautious for further handling that rejection and judgment.
  4.  Claustrophobic…. I have a fear of getting stuck in small places and having no escape point. Yes, I’m Claustrophobic. Going in elevators alone, tunnels, caves or any small spaces make me fear.
  5. Changes….. Change makes me afraid sometimes that whether the change will waver my mind and I will go astray.
  6. I fear of our my mind and its need for silence.
  7. I also fear mind and its immense potential at self-destruction!
  8. I afraid that whether my past haunts me again.
  9. I fear depressive episodes. Or a relapse.
  10. Human Behavior…. It is unpredictable. With my strong observations, I can find some patterns of behavior but still not sure that same behavior will remain same. The behavior of human changes dynamically.
  11. Mistakes….. I am afraid of doing mistakes if there are some other people who get involved in the mistake I have done. When I have some problem, I would definitely analyze where I had made the mistake and then I would check whether it can be solved or not.
  12. Notions….Sometimes my own pre assumptive notions scare me. However, it always comes to check that whether I’m weak and stays only in mind. If I feed it will grow, though in life all that matter is choices, choices I make. To afraid of something is also my choice which I will never make.

So, nothing makes me afraid of anything NOW after I start BLOGGING because now I have that discretion to reveal those conventional ideas and incidents which get suppressed in this busy world.

Where is the fear of others?………..

We fear what others will think about us. This is the ego talking. The ego identifies with certain traits that can fade money, fame, success. When we try something and fail, our ego tells us that we are not good enough.
A way to combat this fear is to face it to realize that the only person’s opinion that matters is our own. Our own thought about our own self- worth should be the only thing that matters.

Peoples have the biggest fear surrounded by their kids, about their raising to be a good people, the effects of realities and repercussion of today’s first changing life on their kids. They afraid if they won’t be able to protect their kids in case of the violent crime.

Will atheists have lesser fear?……….

An atheist, also have problems in their life, but they don’t turn to any god for help, in-spite they look deep inside, introspect, analyze, and plan forward, sometimes it works, sometimes they make big mistakes, but that’s how they learn.

Yes, they also afraid of making mistakes and they do believe in morals cause whatever they do, they solely take responsibility for it. They think twice about whatever they do because they never do anything to please some supernatural power. They understand their social responsibilities.
Whenever they have problems they try to find out the root cause and fix it in the best possible way they can. They don’t believe in some supernatural power who will fix their problems or whom they can blame for anything bad happened.

Atheists believe in morals and culture. When they have problems, they roll-up their sleeves and get to work fixing it. Atheism has nothing to do with it, morals aren’t derived from faith, they arise out of sense and sensibility.

When the fear is rational?………..

The uncertainty of tomorrow………..

We plan something today by judging what might happen tomorrow. People plan their future, career, partners hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. But at the end, the uncertainty of it can either proliferate our plans or can completely make them go to waste.

Will you be able to do what you are planning or dream today? You are fit and fine today, and tomorrow you land up with a deadly disease.
But then again, uncertainty can be an element of surprise for others.

“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.

A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.

A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.

But there is no word for a parent who loses a child.

That’s how awful the loss is.”

 How to get rid of fear?………..

  • Garner your self-confidence……

You need to first believe yourself. Start giving importance to yourself not 100 %, minimum 60%. Search happiness in your actions, be truthful to yourself, and best is don’t expect much from life. Expect from yourself, love yourself, respect yourself. But unless you try, you are never going to move forward. The stagnancy will kill you more than the fear. The only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.

  • By reducing our dependency….. 

Anybody who wants to live fearlessly must reduce his or her dependency. As our dependency reduces, we will find that we are becoming more and more fearless. If our dependency keeps on increasing, our fear also keeps on increasing.

As we are human. Humans are imperfect beings and we make mistakes all the time. The point is that we actually want to make mistakes so that we can learn from our mistakes, adapt, overcome and thrive. So, don’t be afraid of mistakes, give mistakes a big hug and make it our friend.

  • Recognize…..

To overcome a problem, the first need is to recognize the problem closely. The closer you observe your problem the higher the probability to overcome it.

  • None can save us if we do not want to be saved…

That is why giving up is the scariest thing in the world to me. Being stuck in the darkest possible place with no one there to help you out and even if someone showed up you would push them away again and again and again…Being in that situation is the scariest thing I can imagine.

  • Stop comparing…..

Don’t ever compare your work with another person. It will make you confuse and you will end up in losing your confidence. Never doubt your ability by seeing others and this will surely make you more confident.

  • As long as we do not give up it isn’t over…..

As long as we keep standing up and keep pushing forward we will keep seeing new heights and our sights. But once we stop it will consume us. If you want to do yourself one favor then never give up on yourself. Keep striving towards your goals and through whatever darkness it might take you! You will reach the light eventually. Stop being less than whether to die or too alive because you have all options to beat the fear say 3 easiest way to die………..

    • Puff a cigarette daily- u will die 10 yrs earlier.
    • Drink alcohol daily – you’ll die 30 yrs earlier.
    • Love someone who doesn’t love you – you’ll die daily.
  • Stop caring about other’s opinion….

You will face so many people who will doubt your ability and make you feel the same. So just ignore and forget that type of people and concentrate on your goal. Find that out which is not given to you by others and live in that. What is that which is not given to you by others? If you live in that, there is no reason to be fear.

  • Meditation…..

Meditation can be a great technique for gaining and boosting our self-confidence and will surely eliminate our self-doubt and our fear.

Become friends with fear. It’s not so terrifying.

Reducing dependencies, finding your authentic self, is the key to living fearlessly. 

When extra marital affair destroy the relationship?

Why extra marital affairs happen?………..

Peoples are more open about their needs and less likely to make a commitment when they’re not interested in making a commitment. Divorce is no longer an atrocity, so a lousy marriage can be ended.
Cheating in committed relationships outside marriage happens because people feel such relationships are ‘open’..they can walk out anytime without a major loss to both parties.
Frankly speaking, there is no reason to expect loyalty and dedication from your partner in a culture that perpetuates the message of “Enjoy as much as possible with no consideration for anything else.”
Without social, religious and moral values there is no difference between human and animal society. There is no concept of cheating for dogs and need not be for such a human society as well.
In short, the culture of free sex and absence of any sense of duty and obligation in society has led to increased cheating a natural consequence. It is not even considered cheating when you take away the moral obligation of loyalty.

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Causes of extra marital affairs……….

  • Lack of sexual satisfaction in a relationship… Both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, the sex is not working out for them.
  • Lack of emotional satisfaction in a relationship… Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy.
  • Craving emotional endorsement….. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other.
  • Falling in love or infatuation… Most times it’s either infatuation where you can’t help with infatuations other than self-control. Emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray.
  • Lack of interest……. When you are not happy in a relationship like not understanding each other or someone is not interested in you then the person discusses with you something but another one not responded as desired.
  • Carry forward relation…….. Say he/ she want to marry someone else and stuck with you now he/she carry their relationship after marriage as an extra marital affair as it’s a forceful marriage and the person is not ready for the marriage.

Cheating is breaking the rules of a relationship…..

If you are in a relationship that permits you to sleep with other people for pleasure, it is not cheating. If your relationship forbids sleeping with other people, it is. If you personally think sleeping with other people for pleasure is okay, choose relationship partners who also think it’s okay.

There is nothing harmless about flirting or having a crush when you’re in a relationship. These things sow seeds of doubt and mistrust between you and your partner, and they set the person up who is doing them for failure.

If you are in the habit of sparking a romantic connection (flirting) between you and other people, then it is only a matter of time before you will become emotionally attached to someone other than your spouse.

That’s what an emotional affair is, and it’s not harmless. It’s an emotional attachment—entertaining, playing with, and pursuing the feelings that are growing between you and someone else.

People only have so much emotional energy to give, and in order to give some of that energy to someone else, you have to take it away from your relationship partner, which is a form of cheating.

All have enough reasons to explain………

I will explain you friends this thing with an example happened with one of my college friend a few years back when he shifted at his new flat. There was a married woman, she was very beautiful and very extrovert in her 36 years of age, she was married since 15 years. Now when my friend shifted to his new flat and he met her at the new year party and she asked him for his number though he had a crush on her so without delayed he shared his number with her. Next day onwards she started calling him every night and they use to talk for hours. One day she portrayed him about her husband who was 20 years older than her, about the generation gap regarding her poor sex life and the fights that used to took place between her and her husband. Now she asked him for a relationship, though she wanted the only physical relationship as she already had 2 daughters.

Even she aware him about the medicines that she used to take every day to overcome her depression. No doubt she was a very nice woman and eventually, he got ready for the relationship. They got in a relationship and were happy for about 3 months and then her husband got transferred to another city and she left the city afterward.
So what he felt about her is .. she loved her husband and he never found anything wrong if she opted for another relationship because everyone wants to be happy, right now she is doing completely ok. We live just one life then why to live in regret ??

So in this above case, we found that the woman was in need of physical desire because of her worst sex life which made her desperate to be physical with someone despite being the awareness of her status of a wife and a mother of two teenage daughters.

Now let me share another tale of a woman…….

Ruby 45 years old woman whose husband is a cab driver, their 18 years old son Ayur, was doing good in his study despite brought up in an ill atmosphere. Ruby who is in a secret relationship since long about which her son well aware of. Ayur’s father who was a drunkard used to beat his mother every night. In fact, he described that his father treated worse than an animal with his mother.

Now Ayur is 18 (legally adult), so he should speak with his mother about this before anything wrong happens. His mother, if caught by his father (might not be) put behind bars for extra-marital affair but her boyfriend surely be (I just got to know that Indian Penal Code only punishes males for adultery. Wow! That’s like hitting a new low), doesn’t matter how his father treated her because the court works according to evidence and not emotions.

Second, he should talk and convince his mother to separate from his father, and support her in starting this new life with her boyfriend – and since the man also loves and respects Ayur as his son, so I don’t think he can have a problem adjusting in a new household. Meanwhile, just he must support his mother and convince her to take a divorce as soon as possible. I’m sure his mom’s boyfriend would support her in it.

And it isn’t a big deal to take a divorce. Divorces happen all the time and in every age. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if she has spent 19 years of her life in this toxic marriage, she too deserves one chance at her life.

Now, she isn’t characterless, everyone has the right to ‘live’, and her son only described that his father treated her worse than an animal and supporting her which is rare and appreciatable. Here in her case, she fell for someone else because that gap was there in her life since the beginning which her husband never fulfilled which makes her emotionally weaken and that support when she got from someone else, then she felt like life become a bit easier than earlier to cross the daily hurdles.

In fact in many cases when a woman came to know about her husband that he has an affair then there cultivates a constant inner fight within the woman that whether she should forgive something which is against her soul’s beliefs. Which ultimately weaken her drastically, that not even she will able to raising her voice against that act but neither she will able to show anyone nor will elope from the situation. So it’s easy for people to say “forgive and forget” but not if your soul cries and eventually dies because he is still in your life.

Most women are used to being submissive to their husbands and no longer assert their individuality, whether they work or not, whether they are financially independent or not. Those who are financially independent are again worried about the social stigma involved in being a divorcee.

 Most often, their parents and friends do not support their decision and they are ostracized from the society they live in. Again, women care more about the consequences of a divorce on their kids and worry about spoiling their future. Of course, there are a few women who remain in such a marriage and start an affair themselves as tit for tat.

For unexciting marriage communication need ……

Either or both partners are not trying to galvanize their marriage and they simply are disinterest in their typical marriage. In many cases, it’s a thrill to have sex with outsider other than your partner but if you open this idea to your partner, you may get a positive response (either they will try for adventures to keep the marriage interesting or they will agree for triad/tetrad). It’s a matter of communication gap between partners.

Is it reasonable…………..

Many times it is. When man or woman feels he/she has a raw deal in marriage and cannot escape from it due to economic or social reasons, then there is a thought can I get the things elsewhere from another person what I am not getting in marriage from my spouse?

If it is risk-free without rocking the marriage boat, man/woman might try an extra marital affair. These types justify to themselves that they are doing nothing wrong or immoral and are getting their rightful dues.

Personally, I would like to say extra marital affair reasonable if spouse also engages in affairs, has no time for spouse, cannot satisfy mentally, physically and is economically broke or socially a misfit for any meaningful transaction because at the end of the day all have the rights to take a calm breadth.

The heart contains a thousand gates, through which a thousand feelings and thoughts arise, in it, someone will come, some one will stay. How they came in or left will not be realized. If only one person stays in it, then there will be no remorse but when one is already there, another tries to come in, then there will never be peace.

When I feel good about me?

Feeling good………

“Remove the dirt in your eyes first before that of another person”…

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If my busy schedule doesn’t have the time to spend hours with my parents then at least I try to spend few minutes with them even if it seems a time factor then I simply go with a hug… hope this one no need any explanation it’s self-explanatory. As they’re always older than me, they’ll most likely die before me, so I just try to celebrate with them while they are alive. It makes my day with a good feeling.

Though I yet not married I have cogitated some dreams to appease my hubby when he comes from office as men are more stressed in office nowadays.

I will prepare his favorite snacks with coffee for him in the evening, will make over myself in a ravishing way which he likes to see me. When he will sip the hot coffee, will give him supple shoulder and head massage to relieve his stress and finally, if his arousal wants more then I will happily go with that also…

Now the thing is neither my hubby ordered me for all those nor he requested but I did it because at the end of the day I want to feel good with my spouse and while doing all those things I never felt at least once that in return what he will give me? It’s my wish that how I will be with my loved one!

To make over self…………

It’s a vital task to do for which I don’t spend hours to make that instead I love to do one task at a time according to it (nope multitasker). I plan for a schedule of early get-up habits, exercise a bit then meditate (of course to stay healthy physically and mentally). I love reading to enhance my knowledge which aids to cultivate my better perspective towards any issue resolving.

As a meditator, it’s enhanced my listening and observing power to analyze the situation for act accordingly than others. As an introvert, I want to become smarter when its comes to talking to others sharing my ideas and views in specific because I like to place my statement in short when peoples think I’m smart enough about my conversation and they ask me to explain my said statement.

  • I Stopped over thinking and procrastination.
  • At least spend few hours to read something knowledgeable
  • Avoiding masturbation cause it will drain my energy and I feel tired so can’t focus on anything.
  • In free time love to spend some quality time with my solitude and introspect.
  • Keep me away from gossips and negative talk about people.
  • Set me free from one sided love it is only a quagmire.
  • Never compare me with anyone nor blindly focus on success stories of others. All people use a different kind of strategies to complete the task in my way.
  • Loves to listen to music, watch movies, play outdoor games, laugh with my genuine friends, cherish good memories. All these things keep me happy.

You will always face difficulties………..

Difficulties will always come every day, no matter how small it might be or how large it might seem, never let it get the best of you.

It might be a financial problem (e.g poverty, college fees/loans), a psychological problem (e.g depression), a health problem, and even death. (Death may take away your loved ones and it’s very sad and difficult to cope, especially when that person is the breadwinner of your family.)

There will be a problem somewhere in our lives; even if you have all the money in the world, there will be a something bothering you.

Try to learn to be optimistic.

See every mistake, failure, or difficulty as part of life and never allow these problems get the best of you.

They will idolize you if you find a solution to them and create a product out of it because it’s certain that someone somewhere is experiencing the same problem.

 People will always talk bad things about me no matter how good/generous/kind I’m…….

Even Jesus had haters; everyone has them.

No matter how good I’m to people they will still complain; human beings cannot and will not ever be satisfied.

I never listen too much to my critics—they will always find something bad about me.

Say the two weather conditions… the summer season and the rainy season. Whenever it’s sunny we complain, “haa this sun is too much Oh God! why are we not in the rainy season?

And during the rainy season, we will be like, “I don’t like rainy season everywhere is always flooded God please bring back the sun!”

Can you see now that people can’t be fully satisfied with a given condition or product?

Just keep on doing the right thing and don’t listen to everybody, because some people will just hate you for no reason, especially when you have a large following.

Difficulty as part of life…………..

We had a maid to do daily cleaning of the house and wash utensils. She took a sudden leave of 5 days without informing us. So now rest you can imagine that how difficult its for me to manage the house and office. In those days my parent’s health condition wasn’t supporting them, which was one of the biggest stress for me above that the sudden disappearance of my maid from work was enough reason to increase my blood pressure. It was Sunday my off day but the weekly ritual of washing the clothes too was to be done the same day. I was cooking the meal in the kitchen, washing the clothes in the washing machine and sweeping the house simultaneously.

Suddenly someone knocked at the door, I was engrossed in the kitchen so dad opened the door. I asked dad about the person from kitchen but dad won’t replied then I thought to check and found that our maid was there. Now just imagine for a second what would be my instant reaction towards her? Maybe my annoyance will be staring at her which she also expecting. But I tried to insinuate her to have sit first but she was tried to explain me the reasons of her uninformed sudden leave of 5 days. As I was completely drained so without bothering much about rest things and told her again to have sit. She asked me after 10 minutes that whether any household chore was pending yet for her which she would finish? I replied her NO, but my reply seemed to be quite discomforting to her. In the meantime, my parents came out from the room and before they start queried her about her sudden leave, I just interrupted immediately to them and told them to go inside the room because I want to talk with her.

I served her the cooked meal with a glass of water which shocked her then asked her “tell me whether everything is perfect in the recipe?” She with her amazing look told me ‘Haan didi’ (yes.. sister)!

Now after had the meal when she begs to apologize for her carelessness towards her work then I gave her the full month salary in her hand without deducting a single rupees of her unannounced leave days and aware her that, “yes… I also understand her situation so whatever may be the reason I don’t eager to listen to all those but surely I wish from further she will at least inform us prior to taking such long leave from work.”

You won’t believe she cried like a small kid and begging constantly sorry and confessing that she was tired from her regular schedule of physical labour that’s why she went for a short trip to the nearby location of the city for a change with her family but she dare not spelled the truth to her masters because none would grant her 5 days leave.

Since that day to till today our maid could off from rest all house but she never take any uninformed leave from our house and her sincerity towards us now grows than earlier.

Now the thing is, by serving the food and gave her the full month salary on that day when she back from her long 5 days leaves made her feel guilty, which she never expected from none because her general thinking was waiting for humiliation from her masters which made her a liar but my reverse attitude towards her not only surprised her but also made me feel really good that I won her confidence level for forever upon me.

Your Feelings ………….

Your feelings don’t really matter, you probably won’t feel like doing anything that will make you better but that doesn’t change the fact that you need to do them. Sure I think you should inspect your feelings and ask “Why do I feel this way?” but you should not use your feelings as a compass for your life, as following your feelings isn’t what builds a life that you want.

Stop thinking about others… You can’t stop someone thinking about you either good or bad. Own your imagination and enjoy your individuality.

 Don’t get attached to people… They’ll leave you anytime, so stop visualizing future with them, stop worrying about them. No one deserves to be ignored.

 Stop shirking your health… You may be busy in your work postponing health issues but your health doesn’t envisage it. Work will wait for your health but your health doesn’t.

Youth is not permanent…..Don’t let your physical beauty get into your head try and focus on your life goal and desires.

To fall for someone with spirit………

Most people really like to be loved. But are they giving love? It should be a yes. Are they able to express it? Tricky! I never think about myself that not getting loved instead I focus on how to do it.

I meant about expressing my feelings to the person I love, again my answer is YES. I am not talking about crushes or infatuation. I will do only if I can see a future with them. When I’m able to think of having a child like that person, then will go for it.

Our life is short. What’s in it if I don’t go for what I really want? But that doesn’t mean I can irritate the person to the core to get their love back. I just meant I should not regret about not expressing my love at a later point in time and realizing that I can’t do anything to change it.

The moral is expressing love in a healthy way will not do any harm but it can bring me a lot of happiness. Regret is something I should never have. Always do my part. Rest will fall in place.

If you are poor in expressing your feelings, I will suggest you one thing to try. Just open up your heart to the dearest person in your life. And then see the change in them. It can be your father, mother, sibling, best friend… I know it’s hard because even they might feel strange if you do that all of a sudden. Do it slowly and find out the difference. I can guarantee that you will be loved and cared more once they get to know how you feel for them. They will reciprocate it.

Self-loving is needed ………..

Only I walk the path alone for me. People care about my happiness only to some extent. If making me happy means they getting uncomforted, they will choose to be comfortable over my happiness and none could blame them because it’s not even wrong. No one was born to make me happy. The more I depend on people to make me happy, the more I will be going sadly. Just like I sometimes disappoint people, people also will disappoint me. It’s true for them as much as it is true for me. I am no one’s number one priority. I felt bad initially, now I am okay with it.

I won’t always be someone’s number one priority. People change, priorities change.. I may say that my best friend will be always there and they will come? Guess what, if he/she will too busy at that time.There are going to be times when no one will come to help me when I will fall down. Then I have to get up, dust me, and move on.

It always looks like everyone else is enjoying more than me. The truth is, they only showed me the best pages in their life’s diary. They also have worn out, battered and torn pages in between all those glamorous and well-maintained pages.

Everyone who knows me is going to say that I am always happy. What do they know that I tried to quit my life decades ago? Heck! This is the first time I have even mentioned it in all these years.

It also looks like everyone knows what they are doing in life. In reality, everyone is stumbling in the dark on the path which isn’t smooth. I just don’t know it. They are also stuck in a job they don’t like, doing things they don’t like and a boss they can’t stand with a head full of dreams about making it “big” some day.

Being happy is a choice and only I’m responsible for my happiness.