Month: September 2017

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few time in your life if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together”……Lisa Kleypas.

Flawless skin, tall height with proportionate weight mesmerized all. We human being forever attracted towards good things whether it relates to a person, object or our fantasy. We all love to see those things initially which soothes our eyes first then comes to rest all aspects. So looks matters a lot in that aspect. We not even spare bad looking any object in our life so what, when we have the option to replace that, then how could we have taken for the grant when it comes to choosing any living being in our life? Yes, RELATIONSHIP the utmost significant aspect of our life where we stuck when its come to the question of its selection.

What are we looking for?………..

Looks are your main “market value” when it comes to relationships. Women’s main market value in relationships are their looks, men’s value is based on their social status.

 You need to have similar “value” to make a transaction. It’s not superficial it’s hard-wired in our subconsciousness.
Men value a woman at around 80% looks. A woman only uses a man’s looks for 20% of his overall attractiveness. Men screen for looks more so that they hold their partner’s hands gladly in front of their associates. Women are attracted to high status, provider, protector males which they judge on their behavior.

Almost every woman is looking for 3 main components in a man. First, success or at least a goal in life that they are driven by. Second, security, loyalty, and trust as a package and third, the commitment of their partner.

Loving a person can have so many reasons he/she should be fair, tall and all exterior quality but his personality should be charming.

Is looks matters for libido?………..

If you aren’t physically attracted to someone then it will be difficult to cultivate a sexual relationship. To men, looks do matter. They like a pretty face and a fine body. Women, on the other hand, can be attracted to a man if he’s decent-looking, as long as he has money to make up for it. Therefore, if either person has sexual desires then it will be difficult to have a relationship with sexual intimacy. If neither person is very interested in sex then it is most likely not an issue. However, if the parties involved are interested in sex then physical attraction is required. Looks are important because this is the basis for sexual attraction. 

We all grow older and show signs of aging, but as long as we do it with style, and try to take as best care of ourselves as we can, beauty never really fades as long as we remain engaged, communicative, compassionate, and kind. The most attractive person eventually becomes ugly if they have an unflattering personality if they’re neglectful, abusive, boring, or dim.

What is the basic need of relationship?………

Although looks are important for initial attraction, long-term bonds are built on……….. 

• Similarity…. should have same interests and values for each other.
• Loyalty … both must be loyal about their past and present.
• Contiguity …. attribute the closeness between each other.
• Artlessness … honesty about talking stuff that matters.
• Involvement …… emotional investment in the relationship. 
• Polarity …. dominant vs submissive pole.
• Commitment … pledged with your said wordings.

Again humans probably weren’t designed to be solely monogamous, that’s a failure social construct as we’re seeing among many couples these days.

No love is not blind in the matter of looks!………

The first step towards love is the attraction that you feel towards someone and that’s where looks become important to you. Looks are not everything but it matters a lot. People will say that “Love is blind” and all that crap but in fact, practically nobody falls in love blindly, though there are exceptions but majority wise you will find out looks are given the first preference.

The time where your looks play its part is when someone gets attracted towards you for the first time. Means, you don’t love anyone only because of their looks but love starts with attraction.

Looks matter until you’re in love. There are many couples who are madly in love yet clearly are not on par with one another in the looks department. Looks matter most in the initial courtship. Looks play a strong role in the initial courtship especially if you’re competing with others who are far better looking. It’s not like that only a good looking person attracts the opposite gender but yes if you have good looks with your other qualities then it’s icing on the cake. It’s very evident that people with good looks attract the opposite gender more easily.

When you least bother about looks?……….

People talk about “Love at first sight“. That’s actually not loving, but that’s an attraction only that you feel for the opposite gender. Once love crept in, then there’s no need for looks or something. 

In true love importance of looks doesn’t matter. Maybe sometimes u fall for someone because of his/her looks but when u starts a relationship and real love develops then your partner’s look will not be an important issue for you. If you have an average look then there’s nothing more needed other than how good you are as a person to mesmerize anyone.

I’m not asking you to sympathize with women and lookism, more just meaning that it’s part of human nature to want to move towards that which is pleasing to you. No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s voluptuous. There are plenty of people out there who truly do not want to be with a great looking woman. They find it intimidating.

 Any woman who presents well holds herself straight up, no slouching, no fear of being heard, she will be attractive. It acts similarly to me. Looks help a lot, but they are not everything. Suppose every woman wanting to sleep with you, but none of them want to stay, now that’s a disadvantage. An entire life of lust without love.

Average looking guys have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you’re not downright hideous and you play your cards right, you have a very good chance of winning over the girl and having a long-lasting relation.

How relationships stay for long-term?……..

Practice self-awareness, forgive, be a good teammate, grow together, adapt views, cultivate your finer qualities, compliment and praise each other, develop your own interests, don’t keep score, encourage and pamper each other, offer solutions not criticism, respect space and time, don’t be hesitant to speak your mind, be romantic, admit that you are wrong, respect his or her friends, be affectionate, mind your manners, remember to say “thank you and sorry.”

Everyone wants to feel desirable, especially by their partner. If you don’t actually desire your partner that’s just bad all around. It’s not just important for the early stages, it’s also important down the line too when you’re both old. You’re going to want to look back and enjoy all those memories of being young and dumb and beautiful.

Make an unconditional love with long-term………

Love is a big term. People generally don’t realize that a mere upburst of hormonal activities inside them isn’t loving. Love is something that is totally unconditional. It’s beyond pain and pleasure.

For instance, you meet an accident which has disfigured your face then will you stop loving him/her because he/she doesn’t look as gorgeous as he/she was before?

If your answer is yes, then definitely you don’t love him/her at all. But if it doesn’t make any difference to you the way he/she looks, then there’s true love between you both. So, instead of thinking about looks, try to improve yourself as a good person.

 Moreover, if you are very caring and soft-spoken one without having any ego or attitude in your personality then even a rude uncivilized person also get attracted towards your personality, whereas we are living in a civilized society where at least we possess the minimum etiquette to reply with humble to anyone whoever is caring bad looks or status.
So next time you see a good-looking man and think that he holds all of the cards, think again. He may be receiving all of the looks and smiles. But the truth is, you’ve actually got more chance than he has with that beauty at the bar. Love means to give your soul to your partner, not just your heart.

Looks matter, but it’s not the condition for love, fortunately, other things matter more. Good looks matters, you mean good personality and well dress up. Grooming yourself. Felling beautiful inside-out.

Not specific about a relationship but don’t you want to look handsome/beautiful and also you don’t want to be with the person who is handsome/beautiful from inside-out. “Love means to give your soul to your partner, not just your heart and physical body.”

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”…… Nicholas Sparks.

“First….Complete school and you will be relieved. Second…..Complete college and you are a free bird. Third….Complete master and you are settled. Actually, nothing ends it just goes on and on…Responsibilities go on coming….. I have grown up by holding this sweet lie of my parents!”

Evergreen sweet lies of our Parents………

• “Sleep early son unless the monster will come and take you away to a black world.
• Stop crying my little daughter, if you stopped crying a fairy will come and give you a chocolate.
• Don’t wake kids on Christmas morning at 3 am because if you will get out of bed before the Sunrise, you will turn into reindeer.
• If you don’t dry yourself properly after showering, your body hair is going to grow out making you look like a furry bear, like the way you water plants and they grow, similarly, you water your body and if you don’t dry, your hair grows. 
• Show your excellence in your mark card then all will be treated with you like a king/ queen.
• Become an IITian and then do MBA from IIMs. Replaceable with Top degrees from other streams then you are destined for success. If you don’t do that, you have wasted all our efforts for so many years.”

When I was a kid and browsing through my parent marriage album I started crying as I was not able to see myself in any of the images then my Mom told me that “I was the one taking the photo’s and that’s the reason for my absence in all those photographs.” I’ve grown up now and I laugh at these things when my parents tell me!

Above these are all those sweet lies which our parents often used to tell us since our childhood to adolescence period.

Why do parents tell lie?…………..

Those Brainstorming ideas, our parents implement for us during our upbringing to simplify the complex which is difficult to explain the entire situation during that minor age, sometimes to preserve a child’s innocence or to surprise a child with gifts, Santa.

• We lie to our kids to make things easier for us sometimes. But the main reason we lie to them is that we want to protect them from things they aren’t old/mature enough to handle. Like we don’t want to see them sick, from eating a whole package of Chocolate. We don’t want them to be upset we were injured, when they couldn’t have prevented it, even if they were there.
• Sometimes maybe the answer is unknown to the parents itself but their ego doesn’t allow them to confess their ignorance in front of their kids and to use lie become the only easiest option, to keep their own respect in the eyes of their kids.
• Many times parents do it in an attempt to protect their children from the ugly truths of life or feel too uncomfortable to answer.
• No child should have to worry about grown-up things so in an effort to shield them, lies come into play.
• Lying can also save us from admitting to being wrong and the need to offer the apology.
• Admitting to being wrong or to doing wrong is not an easy thing to do, it definitely isn’t the path of least resistance and again, adults somehow think they can get away with it when dealing with children. It arouses the issue of power loss, which makes it even more difficult for a parent to offer an apology to a kid. As a result, few parents can’t even imagine that they could offer apologies to their children. 
• So basically, lying in many instances equals the path of least resistance and parents generally love the paths of least resistance moreover when they feel they can outsmart others then why not try it especially when dealing with children.
• It’s easier and convenient for parents in many life situations. It’s relatively “safe” parents like to think so.

Don’t force them………..

Parents should never decide their children’s career. But what they can do is influence their children so that they can take such life-changing decisions themselves. It’s a strong belief where the recipe for success is only one. Get a degree from the top university or you are doomed.

I have many friends who have taken up engineering just because their parents forced them to do so. I know this one particular guy who takes excellent photos and wanted to join a visual communication course. His parents were completely against the courses. He hasn’t completed his first year due to many back papers so, the result may be this guy as miserable as the next aspiring engineering student.

Why do parents deceive their children?………..

• To hide shortcomings of authority figures. Protect a child’s view of their heroes like hiding father’s smoking habit, uncle’s late-night homecoming, etc.
• Parents also need sometimes privacy when they don’t want to answer the question, “What are you watching or reading, dad?”
• Outing with friends and eating a treat without sharing with children and will sneak it makes us sometimes selfish.
• Deceiving should be the last resort employed by the parent. It’s harmful and creates a sense of betrayal in the child in the long run even though the intention was harmless. Moreover, as a consequence, they lose trust in the parents, and any attempts to discipline them in the future e.g. lying is bad etc. when you will be blamed and held accountable for setting such an example in the first place.

Also, it will come back to bite you as they will surely start deceiving you because you taught them well. How would you feel if your child deceives you? It sets a bad example and the kid learns that being deceptive is fine and continues the trend in his whole life irrespective of the relation.

Why not use the objective truth?…………

Children only learn by imitating their parents and the personality of a Kid majorly depends on the environment in which he/she is being bought up. Lies in themselves aren’t necessarily bad. We lie to ourselves all the time about our control over events, about our impending death, we create illusions as a means to cope with the circumstances.

More vital, children don’t process with the subtlety, complexity, and knowledge base that we do. Children hear in a different language of more literal, simplistic, magical, etc. than what we speak. Speaking a truth in adult language to a child does not mean the child will hear the truth that we intend.

Don’t use imaginary people to raise your kids like Santa will come in wee hours for fulfilling their all wishes.This lie makes the child look forward, to meeting with Santa anxiously and when they found that’s not happened, its just an absurd illusion created by the parents, then its become a deceive for the children.

For instance, when you tell a 5-year-old girl the truth that a significant % of women will be sexually abused during their lifetimes, the girl thought that “I am not safe! I will be hurt when I grow up!”. Is that the truth? Is your statistical “truth” processed as you intended it?

We are lying in reality, actually there is the possibility of the reality but still, it’s not entirely the truth. We don’t tell kids the objective truth that “Is a woman really very weak physically, that she couldn’t protect herself and what is the preventive measure, which keeps a girl safe from the hand of brutality or animalism of physical desire”….. because they cannot process it correctly. We lie in order to we translate our meaning into what the child can understand, we convey the intent, not the truth.

So the goal of communicating with children is ‘clear communication’, not objective truth.

When we soften the truth?………..

Sometimes we soften the truth about things that are beyond comprehension for the young.

If your 5-year-old asks where babies come from, what comprehension could they possibly have if you tried to tell them? If you did, and they tried to repeat it the next day at nursery school, based on their comprehension and experience, it would probably turn into a phone call to you, wondering what’s up?

Children have the tendency whenever hears any new piece of information they want to tell people because they love passing on new knowledge. So when they share the things which they learned by their teachers with us, it’s much more fun for them and us if we feign ignorance that ‘we really don’t know that’ and let them give us a small logical lecture on that. It grows up their self-confidence about that gained knowledge.

Keep it simple for teenagers………..

I can think of a few situations when parents shouldn’t tell kids the entire truth. I think, especially for young children. That doesn’t mean you dump things on them just because they are true. You can explain things at an age-appropriate level, say……

Why we are getting divorced…

This is one of the significant issues for most of the parents nowadays. Neither we share our adult problem nor its good to burden our children with such court issue. When they will be grown up then only we can explain.

Things do not age appropriate……

Again, too much detail isn’t necessary. For instance when your 5 years old kid ask you that “how the baby got into mummy’s tummy.” Then either you skip form that query or trick fully replied that “mom and dad gave each other a special hug” and they rely on your said wordings because a 5 years old really doesn’t need to know about ovulation, sperm, egg or copulation.

My sister told her 8 years old daughter that tampons are especially band-aids for mom because she doesn’t want to explain menstruation to someone with a limited vocabulary and capacity to understand. Also, she doesn’t want her to think that mom is bleeding out or dying as she wouldn’t know bleeding is sometimes ok.

To make them aware about the cruel world……..

I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to your children about kidnapping, abuse, prostitution, rape or porn, but the world is scary enough without scaring kids more.

Your children didn’t know about rape until they asked, not because you hid it from them, but because you didn’t want them to associate sex with violence at a young age. But when they asked what the word meant, because they read it, you should tell them.

They also didn’t know women sometimes sold their bodies for money and danced naked or had sex in a movie. They will get exposed to it and you’ll want them to ask you about it.

We know what and when you need the truth………

Stop Lying to your little one, just for the sake of avoiding conversation or making him happy. Instead, say the truth and stay calm in every situation. Children believing in magic and having a sense of wonder, excitement, and amazement is a special thing. Things which make kids believe and experience joy are never a bad thing.

We don’t necessarily lie, but perhaps preserve innocence, maybe manipulate with imaginary incentives to behave, like Santa, but, preserving imagination and working with innocent people who have no experience to face your truth, is not a bad thing. Truth comes soon enough, let the innocence and imagination thrive until your children tell you they are ready and ask the right questions to show they can comprehend.

This is why keeping communication open with your kids is so important. Not telling them more than they can or should handle and allow them to preserve their innocence are great reasons to not tell them the complete truth. There is plenty of time for reality, most of our lives.

Parenting is very tough but interesting job. We have to be really careful in every step we take before our kids. Cause they are watching us and learning from us every moment.

Never lie to a child. The truth is always less harmful than a lie. The truth will always be revealed before long and you will end up as a lier, an untrustworthy person. Don’t worry, they will forgive you and probably do the same with their children.

However, not telling the whole truth, leaving something out due to the age and capacity to understand the child, is good parenting surely. So, lie a little, if it keeps them young. They have decades to learn what the real world is like.  

Is sex really gives us Happiness?…………

Yes apparently! Sex gives surges of different feelings and actions, which make you feel good. Such feelings can be warmth, heart rate increase, thrilling, the hunger for more, resulting in a body “high arousal” and add to the part where you fully concentrate on the activity at hand, you probably feel great.

 Then ask a paralysis patient.. a coma patient … an autistic or a physically challenged person…….what is sex?

I have named few such diseases or disorder which is incurable one or carrying an uncertainty for forever in life run, where for the person to do the normal activity or even to take a single breath is very hard to survive then where from the question arise about sex or any other enjoyment of life, because to survive in life is the greatest challenge for those persons where they never even dare to dream about any seductive feelings. Yes, their genitals not even allowed them to visualize about such fantasies.

Without our health, nothing happens, not just sex, but all the other incredible things life offers to us. Someone at a young age will not understand this until much later in life.

Sex doesn’t make you happy prolonged………

Pleasure is physical and mental but happiness is just mental. A typical pleasure is A Sex where climaxing releases chemicals into the blood stream that gives us a short-lived jolt of extreme happiness which quickly fades. Pleasure does make us happy, but happiness can be accessed directly in pondering, and does not depend on pleasure or any other external actions.

There are many unhappy sex addicts out there. Also, there are many happy asexual people out there. Sex is a physical excitement, a sexual pleasure. It is not the same as happiness.

While sex and our sexuality is a very important part of who we are, because we are born sexual beings, but amongst them, the one that brings total contentment and satisfaction is Ecstasy!  It is thousand times more pleasurable than sex.

 There are infinite things that offer more happiness than sex. As a matter of fact, you’ll find having peace of mind is the number one thing that will bring you happiness. All the things that give you peace of mind are so powerful that sex becomes irrelevant and it will subside in itself like your health, stability, healthy relationships, your social status, financial stability all these things are connected to having a healthy sex life.

Sex with your loved ones gives you intense happiness but when someone will have the same sex with a paid sex employee that inner happiness will never found because it’s using to satisfy the desire of the lusty body not for the brain.

It’s all about balance. Energy always tends to flow towards ecstasy. When you indulge in sex, you consider sex as ecstasy. If you look at other beings that we coexist with on earth, mating/sex is important, but all of us need to be healthy, mentally, emotionally and physically. But when you seek for something that transcends sex, that is far more pleasure giving than sex, your energy drifts towards that something.  And that something is nothing else but ECSTASY!

Difference between happiness and pleasure……..

Sex is not happiness but a state of pleasure. Pleasure is a state of being temporary. Whereas Happiness “is a way” to live life. It is based on what and how one thinks rather than depending on the situations that make an impact on his life.

Let’s say, during the course of our love making when we are very eager to follow the every step of our desires and after the foreplay when finally the coition happened we say that we are satisfied.

 It means our body has satisfied which gives partial satisfaction to our mind not fully and that’s why just after the coition those stressful thoughts of our life sparks our mind immediately within a fraction of a second, which ultimately many times, turned our pleasure moments into a stressed one. It makes you satisfied…Physically, Sexually not mentally or emotionally.

 It shows that we just give the pleasure to our body to get it rejuvenate from its daily monotonous schedule and stress. So it’s proved that sex can’t be the solution of abolishing our intense stress from our lives, it’s only a partial remover of stress not the complete one for the cause of our contentedness.

Happiness, on the other hand, is realizing that the state of pleasure/ sorrow is temporary in life and with time they will pass. Happiness is acceptance of what cannot be changed.

Sex, of course, might give you pleasure for 5 minutes or 10 minutes but well life is too short for these kinds of momentary pleasures.

Those “Aha…” moments…………

• Holding your baby for the first time after giving birth and the first touch of your child when the newly born baby holds you with his/her tiny finger.
• First Kiss, tight hugs, kissing in rain, the pleasure of sleeping naked and getting cuddled by someone in bed.
• Some feel happiness when they explore beautiful places throughout the world
•  A scientist or researcher feels more happiness after solving a puzzle.
• That smile on street kid’s face when you offer him food, saving someone’s life.
• When a girl can safely roam around late at night, without getting judged about what she is wearing.
• The phone call from your best friend when you really needed someone to talk.
• A weird happiness some politicians get when they won an election. Some even left their family or stay unmarried to be Prime minister.
• Donating your old books to the underprivileged children, and then get to know after months that the very same child passed out with flying colors, will make you feel great.
• Bringing a smile on your grandparent’s face by visiting them unannounced will give you the real satisfaction and a smile on your face.
• Getting forehead kiss from your mother, while sleeping in her lap.
• A walk with your loved ones and when someone says “I Love You Too”.
• When someone compliments us as “Beautiful or Handsome” or a random compliment from your crush.
• When we clear any competitive examination and get our first job appointment letter.
• A long-term romantic relationship with someone you love that includes sex. But sex doesn’t define the relationship.

So those above moments are only a few ones to express my ideas but there are infinite reasons for each of us to describe our true happiness and which is priceless for us.

The love hormone released by pituitary gland…….

Sex sometimes can be gratifying, sometimes dissatisfactory, sometimes humdrum. The act of sex itself can make you happy. But it doesn’t necessarily need to be good or very pleasurable to make you happy.

You probably will feel better-having sex with someone you actually love enough to do so. There is a hormone called Oxytocin which basically lets you bond better with people, which are released by the pituitary gland and is responsible for human behavior associated with relationships and bonding. It’s usually with skin to skin contact. It’s a reason why mothers always play around with babies at first. You will see, if you and your partner were both fully engaged in the sexual activity, regardless if none of you were at your best, will feel a deeper connection due to the events that just occurred. You will feel closer and love the partner more, with a sense of deep connection and sensation, you may feel pretty happy even if the sex itself wasn’t as great. This is the power of Oxytocin.

Again if you’re fully engaged in an activity, which you are probably while having sex, you tend to enjoy it much more. Usually, some actions are crushed by our daily thoughts. But being engaged in the activity, focusing on what’s happening and taking it the manifold sensation in your body will feel much better than doing it disinterestedly.

Can u live a happy life without sex?…….

Everything is possible on this earth only. The thing which is impossible for us may be possible enough for others but we peoples have the tendency to judge others with our majority perspective. What you like to say about those priests and nuns who take the vows of celibacy. They’re a cheery bunch. They really are really happy most of the time.

Apart from them, there are also many peoples in our society who lives a healthy and blissful celibacy life by abolishing the feeling of lust by indulging their life in variant other aspects where they enjoy each activity from their core. It doesn’t mean they not hang out with friends at pub and disco, Yup…they also do what we all love to do but the thing is they enjoy the other aspects of activities more because they just go there for supposing dance, not has any other intention of grab some ass and that makes them and the girl with whom they are dancing with more at ease, enjoying their time fully. That’s not sarcasm. So don’t limit yourselves to the pleasure offered by the senses.

The true symbol of happiness……….

Sex is great and certainly feels great in the moment, but there are many things that give more happiness and which are indescribable………….

• During those 9 months painful phase of pregnancy, where your Doctor had already informed you about the chances of miscarriage is more than 90% and it’s not being safe to carry your pregnancy exactly at that moment, your strong determination doesn’t allow you for surrendering your pregnancy at the middle of the 9 months journey and at the end, after a deadly fight against the situation, by giving the birth of your baby after enduring lots of physical and emotional trouble you won over the situation.That contentedness is beyond everything in the world and it’s indescribable for a mother.
• Ask a prostitute when a man offers to marry her by ignoring her status and has shown the guts to hold her hand in front of society by giving his name and respect. The honor and kiss on the forehead an act of caring creates an endless ripple. Nothing can give more happiness than an act of Love and Care with respect.
• After passing out from college with average grade when not a single company is getting ready to hire you because in this competitive world neither you carrying an MBA degree nor any other professional degree which could lure your resume to get that job among thousands and there your poor family where they are anxiously waiting for getting your job so that you can share the earning of their basic needs.

Months passed by without a single ray of hope when you also standing at the threshold of giving up your overall strength exactly at that moment one phone call changed your life by hiring you with the low package. That exhilaration is beyond everything in this world and its indescribable for that unemployed guy.

What need for the lifetime?……….

Sex can also be a mixture of both love, union, commitment and a bit of kink. Liberty from other’s perspective and mental peace. Liberation and peace create a legitimate life.

Masturbate…. yes….if you can carry the same feelings towards him/her after the masturbation, then you really love them. These are the romantic feelings. If you fail to carry the same feelings after the masturbation towards him/her, then it’s an erotic feeling only.

As I grow older the realization that I have more years behind me than I do ahead of me is sobering.There are many things which give immense pleasure other than sex having someone who understands your mind is a different kind of intimacy.

 So……Luscious sex can bring atrocious momentary gratification. Liberty and Peace bring unsinkable and unfathomable inner joy….only love can please you for a lifetime!