A very private issue today I’m going to share with all of my readers. After a long period of almost 3 months gap, today I m going to share something very personal issue with my readers.
Miscarriage story of mine this article is about my Miscarriage story experience, as it took me a long time in terms of reality and I decided to share it with my readers.
Such a sad topic…one that was painful to recall and even making this thumbnail was a challenge…
I was expecting my first healthy pregnancy and thought will share my happy pregnancy journey later with you all (which unfortunately didn’t happen).
I have been struggling mentally and physically with a lot to deal with the last few months. These are the emotions of loss you struggle yourself without even your environment being aware of it.
I stopped blogging, lost interest from each small things surrounding, even not ready to talk or meet with anyone, my spirit is broken, definitely had a huge impact on my life.
The intention of sharing my unexpected loss and journey with the fellow women and couple who had gone through the heartache of a Miscarriage.
Sadly a miscarriage happens 1 in 4 pregnancies and most women suffer in silence. No one will ever teach you this or how to deal with it even society will as always pressurize you to do things as per their norms.
There has always been a pressure not to announce a pregnancy before 12 weeks due to the risk of a miscarriage. While we do partially agree, this is the reason why many women never even get an opportunity to talk about their grief, as the pregnancy was never announced, to begin with.
Miscarriage story of mine…
I experienced an early miscarriage. We have been through a roller coaster of emotions over the past 3 months.
Everything was going normal, I was at 9 weeks of pregnancy. All of a sudden one morning I noticed spotting and without getting delay we visited the hospital.
During my Ultrasound, I was very curious to know about my baby’s status, as it was my first Ultrasound post conceived, after every two minutes of the interval I was asking my Gynecologist about the status of my baby.
Everything looked great during the initial exam, Dr. affirmed us that Baby’s heartbeat is normal and the fetus growth and length everything was fine.
But still, I was in fear about my spotting so when I asked repeatedly her regarding my spotting she very confidently assured us that’s it’s normal during the first trimester of pregnancy and we no need to worry about it.
Even I insisted on her to provide me some medicines to stop the spotting but my Dr. prescribed me the regular vitamin pills of Iron and folic acid supplements.
Then she told me to go home and take proper rest and come back two weeks later.
I know blood is bad during pregnancy but I tried not to worry too much as my Ultrasound report was good moreover Dr. assured me already that everything is normal.
We came back from the hospital and exactly on that midnight I started to pain.
My heart fell into my stomach and I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe for a second. My worst nightmare came true. I called my husband and he told me not to worry and Dr. told us that everything is normal. I cried all night from worry.
That night was really a horrific one for me, it was around 3:45 am, now my pain was unbearable and my spotting turned into bleeding with clots of blood.
My husband immediately called up to the emergency ambulance and I get admitted to the hospital around 5 am.
They ran some blood tests on me and glucose test and the nurse just made a face that looked discouraging.
My back and stomach were hurting so bad I couldn’t even stand up. I was heavily bleeding. We waited around for 5 hours until an ultrasound tech came to examine me.
Finally ultrasound time. We see our little baby on the screen! We were hopeful. But Dr. told us that fetus moves down from his exact position and the heartbeat has stopped already.
Everything ended so rapidly that we didn’t get the time to react. My husband and I were eager to start a family, as I married lately so I was badly wanting a baby. But everything is predestined, like my Miscarriage story.
“Why me? If I would have…I’ve always wanted a baby so bad, this isn’t fair! I feel sadness in my life now more than ever.”
I was numb mentally and cried myself to sleep for months to come. I felt guilty because my body didn’t protect him. I felt like I lost my child. And no amount of grief could bring him back.
Accepting the reality
This is what this expected roller coaster of emotions has led to this is real, isn’t it? This is really happening. Once you get to this point, you are ready to look this in the eye and figure out how to live with your loss.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re okay with what happened, that you’re not still experiencing a million emotions, it simply means that you confirm in your mind that this is real.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy from this point on, it just means that you know and understand what you’re dealing with.
This is the time that a lot of women and their significant others are able to seek counseling or support groups, or are able to open up about their experiences.
A miscarriage can alter a woman’s emotional life forever. Even if the pregnancy ended early, the connection between the mother and the baby is always very strong which when ends, is very hard to get over.
I don’t aim to get sympathy for anything with this article of my Miscarriage story, just strength, and relief. In fact, I know that someone is there and hearing from someone who has gone through the same phase of life. It eases the pain helps you recover and that’s exactly what I have been aiming to do with this article. (There is a proverb in Hindi ” Dard baat nein se kam hota hai!”)
Women who are planning to get pregnant my best wishes are always with them!