When extra marital affair destroy the relationship?

Why extra marital affairs happen?………..

Peoples are more open about their needs and less likely to make a commitment when they’re not interested in making a commitment. Divorce is no longer an atrocity, so a lousy marriage can be ended.
Cheating in committed relationships outside marriage happens because people feel such relationships are ‘open’..they can walk out anytime without a major loss to both parties.
Frankly speaking, there is no reason to expect loyalty and dedication from your partner in a culture that perpetuates the message of “Enjoy as much as possible with no consideration for anything else.”
Without social, religious and moral values there is no difference between human and animal society. There is no concept of cheating for dogs and need not be for such a human society as well.
In short, the culture of free sex and absence of any sense of duty and obligation in society has led to increased cheating a natural consequence. It is not even considered cheating when you take away the moral obligation of loyalty.

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Causes of extra marital affairs……….

  • Lack of sexual satisfaction in a relationship… Both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, the sex is not working out for them.
  • Lack of emotional satisfaction in a relationship… Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy.
  • Craving emotional endorsement….. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other.
  • Falling in love or infatuation… Most times it’s either infatuation where you can’t help with infatuations other than self-control. Emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray.
  • Lack of interest……. When you are not happy in a relationship like not understanding each other or someone is not interested in you then the person discusses with you something but another one not responded as desired.
  • Carry forward relation…….. Say he/ she want to marry someone else and stuck with you now he/she carry their relationship after marriage as an extra marital affair as it’s a forceful marriage and the person is not ready for the marriage.

Cheating is breaking the rules of a relationship…..

If you are in a relationship that permits you to sleep with other people for pleasure, it is not cheating. If your relationship forbids sleeping with other people, it is. If you personally think sleeping with other people for pleasure is okay, choose relationship partners who also think it’s okay.

There is nothing harmless about flirting or having a crush when you’re in a relationship. These things sow seeds of doubt and mistrust between you and your partner, and they set the person up who is doing them for failure.

If you are in the habit of sparking a romantic connection (flirting) between you and other people, then it is only a matter of time before you will become emotionally attached to someone other than your spouse.

That’s what an emotional affair is, and it’s not harmless. It’s an emotional attachment—entertaining, playing with, and pursuing the feelings that are growing between you and someone else.

People only have so much emotional energy to give, and in order to give some of that energy to someone else, you have to take it away from your relationship partner, which is a form of cheating.

All have enough reasons to explain………

I will explain you friends this thing with an example happened with one of my college friend a few years back when he shifted at his new flat. There was a married woman, she was very beautiful and very extrovert in her 36 years of age, she was married since 15 years. Now when my friend shifted to his new flat and he met her at the new year party and she asked him for his number though he had a crush on her so without delayed he shared his number with her. Next day onwards she started calling him every night and they use to talk for hours. One day she portrayed him about her husband who was 20 years older than her, about the generation gap regarding her poor sex life and the fights that used to took place between her and her husband. Now she asked him for a relationship, though she wanted the only physical relationship as she already had 2 daughters.

Even she aware him about the medicines that she used to take every day to overcome her depression. No doubt she was a very nice woman and eventually, he got ready for the relationship. They got in a relationship and were happy for about 3 months and then her husband got transferred to another city and she left the city afterward.
So what he felt about her is .. she loved her husband and he never found anything wrong if she opted for another relationship because everyone wants to be happy, right now she is doing completely ok. We live just one life then why to live in regret ??

So in this above case, we found that the woman was in need of physical desire because of her worst sex life which made her desperate to be physical with someone despite being the awareness of her status of a wife and a mother of two teenage daughters.

Now let me share another tale of a woman…….

Ruby 45 years old woman whose husband is a cab driver, their 18 years old son Ayur, was doing good in his study despite brought up in an ill atmosphere. Ruby who is in a secret relationship since long about which her son well aware of. Ayur’s father who was a drunkard used to beat his mother every night. In fact, he described that his father treated worse than an animal with his mother.

Now Ayur is 18 (legally adult), so he should speak with his mother about this before anything wrong happens. His mother, if caught by his father (might not be) put behind bars for extra-marital affair but her boyfriend surely be (I just got to know that Indian Penal Code only punishes males for adultery. Wow! That’s like hitting a new low), doesn’t matter how his father treated her because the court works according to evidence and not emotions.

Second, he should talk and convince his mother to separate from his father, and support her in starting this new life with her boyfriend – and since the man also loves and respects Ayur as his son, so I don’t think he can have a problem adjusting in a new household. Meanwhile, just he must support his mother and convince her to take a divorce as soon as possible. I’m sure his mom’s boyfriend would support her in it.

And it isn’t a big deal to take a divorce. Divorces happen all the time and in every age. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if she has spent 19 years of her life in this toxic marriage, she too deserves one chance at her life.

Now, she isn’t characterless, everyone has the right to ‘live’, and her son only described that his father treated her worse than an animal and supporting her which is rare and appreciatable. Here in her case, she fell for someone else because that gap was there in her life since the beginning which her husband never fulfilled which makes her emotionally weaken and that support when she got from someone else, then she felt like life become a bit easier than earlier to cross the daily hurdles.

In fact in many cases when a woman came to know about her husband that he has an affair then there cultivates a constant inner fight within the woman that whether she should forgive something which is against her soul’s beliefs. Which ultimately weaken her drastically, that not even she will able to raising her voice against that act but neither she will able to show anyone nor will elope from the situation. So it’s easy for people to say “forgive and forget” but not if your soul cries and eventually dies because he is still in your life.

Most women are used to being submissive to their husbands and no longer assert their individuality, whether they work or not, whether they are financially independent or not. Those who are financially independent are again worried about the social stigma involved in being a divorcee.

 Most often, their parents and friends do not support their decision and they are ostracized from the society they live in. Again, women care more about the consequences of a divorce on their kids and worry about spoiling their future. Of course, there are a few women who remain in such a marriage and start an affair themselves as tit for tat.

For unexciting marriage communication need ……

Either or both partners are not trying to galvanize their marriage and they simply are disinterest in their typical marriage. In many cases, it’s a thrill to have sex with outsider other than your partner but if you open this idea to your partner, you may get a positive response (either they will try for adventures to keep the marriage interesting or they will agree for triad/tetrad). It’s a matter of communication gap between partners.

Is it reasonable…………..

Many times it is. When man or woman feels he/she has a raw deal in marriage and cannot escape from it due to economic or social reasons, then there is a thought can I get the things elsewhere from another person what I am not getting in marriage from my spouse?

If it is risk-free without rocking the marriage boat, man/woman might try an extra marital affair. These types justify to themselves that they are doing nothing wrong or immoral and are getting their rightful dues.

Personally, I would like to say extra marital affair reasonable if spouse also engages in affairs, has no time for spouse, cannot satisfy mentally, physically and is economically broke or socially a misfit for any meaningful transaction because at the end of the day all have the rights to take a calm breadth.

The heart contains a thousand gates, through which a thousand feelings and thoughts arise, in it, someone will come, some one will stay. How they came in or left will not be realized. If only one person stays in it, then there will be no remorse but when one is already there, another tries to come in, then there will never be peace.

When I feel good about me?

Feeling good………

“Remove the dirt in your eyes first before that of another person”…

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If my busy schedule doesn’t have the time to spend hours with my parents then at least I try to spend few minutes with them even if it seems a time factor then I simply go with a hug… hope this one no need any explanation it’s self-explanatory. As they’re always older than me, they’ll most likely die before me, so I just try to celebrate with them while they are alive. It makes my day with a good feeling.

Though I yet not married I have cogitated some dreams to appease my hubby when he comes from office as men are more stressed in office nowadays.

I will prepare his favorite snacks with coffee for him in the evening, will make over myself in a ravishing way which he likes to see me. When he will sip the hot coffee, will give him supple shoulder and head massage to relieve his stress and finally, if his arousal wants more then I will happily go with that also…

Now the thing is neither my hubby ordered me for all those nor he requested but I did it because at the end of the day I want to feel good with my spouse and while doing all those things I never felt at least once that in return what he will give me? It’s my wish that how I will be with my loved one!

To make over self…………

It’s a vital task to do for which I don’t spend hours to make that instead I love to do one task at a time according to it (nope multitasker). I plan for a schedule of early get-up habits, exercise a bit then meditate (of course to stay healthy physically and mentally). I love reading to enhance my knowledge which aids to cultivate my better perspective towards any issue resolving.

As a meditator, it’s enhanced my listening and observing power to analyze the situation for act accordingly than others. As an introvert, I want to become smarter when its comes to talking to others sharing my ideas and views in specific because I like to place my statement in short when peoples think I’m smart enough about my conversation and they ask me to explain my said statement.

  • I Stopped over thinking and procrastination.
  • At least spend few hours to read something knowledgeable
  • Avoiding masturbation cause it will drain my energy and I feel tired so can’t focus on anything.
  • In free time love to spend some quality time with my solitude and introspect.
  • Keep me away from gossips and negative talk about people.
  • Set me free from one sided love it is only a quagmire.
  • Never compare me with anyone nor blindly focus on success stories of others. All people use a different kind of strategies to complete the task in my way.
  • Loves to listen to music, watch movies, play outdoor games, laugh with my genuine friends, cherish good memories. All these things keep me happy.

You will always face difficulties………..

Difficulties will always come every day, no matter how small it might be or how large it might seem, never let it get the best of you.

It might be a financial problem (e.g poverty, college fees/loans), a psychological problem (e.g depression), a health problem, and even death. (Death may take away your loved ones and it’s very sad and difficult to cope, especially when that person is the breadwinner of your family.)

There will be a problem somewhere in our lives; even if you have all the money in the world, there will be a something bothering you.

Try to learn to be optimistic.

See every mistake, failure, or difficulty as part of life and never allow these problems get the best of you.

They will idolize you if you find a solution to them and create a product out of it because it’s certain that someone somewhere is experiencing the same problem.

 People will always talk bad things about me no matter how good/generous/kind I’m…….

Even Jesus had haters; everyone has them.

No matter how good I’m to people they will still complain; human beings cannot and will not ever be satisfied.

I never listen too much to my critics—they will always find something bad about me.

Say the two weather conditions… the summer season and the rainy season. Whenever it’s sunny we complain, “haa this sun is too much Oh God! why are we not in the rainy season?

And during the rainy season, we will be like, “I don’t like rainy season everywhere is always flooded God please bring back the sun!”

Can you see now that people can’t be fully satisfied with a given condition or product?

Just keep on doing the right thing and don’t listen to everybody, because some people will just hate you for no reason, especially when you have a large following.

Difficulty as part of life…………..

We had a maid to do daily cleaning of the house and wash utensils. She took a sudden leave of 5 days without informing us. So now rest you can imagine that how difficult its for me to manage the house and office. In those days my parent’s health condition wasn’t supporting them, which was one of the biggest stress for me above that the sudden disappearance of my maid from work was enough reason to increase my blood pressure. It was Sunday my off day but the weekly ritual of washing the clothes too was to be done the same day. I was cooking the meal in the kitchen, washing the clothes in the washing machine and sweeping the house simultaneously.

Suddenly someone knocked at the door, I was engrossed in the kitchen so dad opened the door. I asked dad about the person from kitchen but dad won’t replied then I thought to check and found that our maid was there. Now just imagine for a second what would be my instant reaction towards her? Maybe my annoyance will be staring at her which she also expecting. But I tried to insinuate her to have sit first but she was tried to explain me the reasons of her uninformed sudden leave of 5 days. As I was completely drained so without bothering much about rest things and told her again to have sit. She asked me after 10 minutes that whether any household chore was pending yet for her which she would finish? I replied her NO, but my reply seemed to be quite discomforting to her. In the meantime, my parents came out from the room and before they start queried her about her sudden leave, I just interrupted immediately to them and told them to go inside the room because I want to talk with her.

I served her the cooked meal with a glass of water which shocked her then asked her “tell me whether everything is perfect in the recipe?” She with her amazing look told me ‘Haan didi’ (yes.. sister)!

Now after had the meal when she begs to apologize for her carelessness towards her work then I gave her the full month salary in her hand without deducting a single rupees of her unannounced leave days and aware her that, “yes… I also understand her situation so whatever may be the reason I don’t eager to listen to all those but surely I wish from further she will at least inform us prior to taking such long leave from work.”

You won’t believe she cried like a small kid and begging constantly sorry and confessing that she was tired from her regular schedule of physical labour that’s why she went for a short trip to the nearby location of the city for a change with her family but she dare not spelled the truth to her masters because none would grant her 5 days leave.

Since that day to till today our maid could off from rest all house but she never take any uninformed leave from our house and her sincerity towards us now grows than earlier.

Now the thing is, by serving the food and gave her the full month salary on that day when she back from her long 5 days leaves made her feel guilty, which she never expected from none because her general thinking was waiting for humiliation from her masters which made her a liar but my reverse attitude towards her not only surprised her but also made me feel really good that I won her confidence level for forever upon me.

Your Feelings ………….

Your feelings don’t really matter, you probably won’t feel like doing anything that will make you better but that doesn’t change the fact that you need to do them. Sure I think you should inspect your feelings and ask “Why do I feel this way?” but you should not use your feelings as a compass for your life, as following your feelings isn’t what builds a life that you want.

Stop thinking about others… You can’t stop someone thinking about you either good or bad. Own your imagination and enjoy your individuality.

 Don’t get attached to people… They’ll leave you anytime, so stop visualizing future with them, stop worrying about them. No one deserves to be ignored.

 Stop shirking your health… You may be busy in your work postponing health issues but your health doesn’t envisage it. Work will wait for your health but your health doesn’t.

Youth is not permanent…..Don’t let your physical beauty get into your head try and focus on your life goal and desires.

To fall for someone with spirit………

Most people really like to be loved. But are they giving love? It should be a yes. Are they able to express it? Tricky! I never think about myself that not getting loved instead I focus on how to do it.

I meant about expressing my feelings to the person I love, again my answer is YES. I am not talking about crushes or infatuation. I will do only if I can see a future with them. When I’m able to think of having a child like that person, then will go for it.

Our life is short. What’s in it if I don’t go for what I really want? But that doesn’t mean I can irritate the person to the core to get their love back. I just meant I should not regret about not expressing my love at a later point in time and realizing that I can’t do anything to change it.

The moral is expressing love in a healthy way will not do any harm but it can bring me a lot of happiness. Regret is something I should never have. Always do my part. Rest will fall in place.

If you are poor in expressing your feelings, I will suggest you one thing to try. Just open up your heart to the dearest person in your life. And then see the change in them. It can be your father, mother, sibling, best friend… I know it’s hard because even they might feel strange if you do that all of a sudden. Do it slowly and find out the difference. I can guarantee that you will be loved and cared more once they get to know how you feel for them. They will reciprocate it.

Self-loving is needed ………..

Only I walk the path alone for me. People care about my happiness only to some extent. If making me happy means they getting uncomforted, they will choose to be comfortable over my happiness and none could blame them because it’s not even wrong. No one was born to make me happy. The more I depend on people to make me happy, the more I will be going sadly. Just like I sometimes disappoint people, people also will disappoint me. It’s true for them as much as it is true for me. I am no one’s number one priority. I felt bad initially, now I am okay with it.

I won’t always be someone’s number one priority. People change, priorities change.. I may say that my best friend will be always there and they will come? Guess what, if he/she will too busy at that time.There are going to be times when no one will come to help me when I will fall down. Then I have to get up, dust me, and move on.

It always looks like everyone else is enjoying more than me. The truth is, they only showed me the best pages in their life’s diary. They also have worn out, battered and torn pages in between all those glamorous and well-maintained pages.

Everyone who knows me is going to say that I am always happy. What do they know that I tried to quit my life decades ago? Heck! This is the first time I have even mentioned it in all these years.

It also looks like everyone knows what they are doing in life. In reality, everyone is stumbling in the dark on the path which isn’t smooth. I just don’t know it. They are also stuck in a job they don’t like, doing things they don’t like and a boss they can’t stand with a head full of dreams about making it “big” some day.

Being happy is a choice and only I’m responsible for my happiness. 

 

 

How to be happy single?

I can do things as per my wish and choice without bothering about any one. The room is all mine. I can stay in stripped also. The bed is all mine, can roll in my bed without disinclination even I can sleep all day without anyone disturbing me. I can stay in the bathroom as long as I want. Only cook the dishes I want to eat. I can check out everything I want on my laptop. Go home wee hours of the morning without feeling sheepish of hanging out with new found friends and drinking the night away.

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My acquaintance……………..

Because I never found someone who deserves me!

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m a weird person who comes from a very high-class family, is filthy rich, distinctly ravishing and is extremely accomplished.

I’m an ordinary person who comes from a middle-class family, average looking and not so skilled, but you see my problem is that I’m a very practical, yet very emotional person. Now, trust me, this is a RARE combination and is very dangerous.

I grew up in an environment where I always had to go extra miles to prove myself. Initially, I was this innocent girl who knew nothing about the cruel world out there and it’s ugly reality. I considered every person is genuine and real, as I’m, but oh dear lord, such a big mistake it was.

So, for years, I kept on dealing with fake people who had double standards and were wearing this mask that helps to hide their real face.

I remember that feeling well… But there is nothing wrong with being the last one in your group who is single. It’s all about timing, in my opinion, God’s timing.

 It’s not so taking it easy when all the peoples around me in the relationship and I’m not. Their priorities change from friends to the lover. They don’t even feel bad to say no for plans, spends less time with me. Even if they are with me either they’ll be on phone or talking about their SO.

My overwhelming exaltation……….

When I was dreaming about my prince by abolishing all the status in between us.The little girl in me, who grew up watching Titanic movie and fantasizing about a perfect love fairy tale where the prince is truly madly in love with his princess and always takes care of her, started meeting with people who are obsessed with the idea of love and have absolutely no clue about what love is. For others, it was something that could be tagged as MIRTH, just that! Nothing more than that

For me, love means mirth too, but it’s a lot more than that. For me, it means knowing my dream guy. Knowing his likes and dislikes. It’s about knowing what expectations he is holding from his life and how having me in his life will make a difference. No, I can’t compromise with any of the above. It’s better to be single than being in a meaningless relationship.

I wanted to connect more. I wanted to know more about the person I’m being with. I wanted to travel the road of his childhood with him where I can see whether he loved cricket more or football. I wanted to know if he realizes the difference between having parties to chill out or sitting near a beach with me to have a conversation.

I never found that someone who can kiss my forehead and tell me that he is equally proud of myself.

Somewhere there is the sparseness…..……

For my closed ones, I become accustomed to the coziness of my life which not allowing me to come out from that shield to accept someone because for them I have the apprehension of facing the ups and downs of the relationship. It’s completely absurd to me but the thing is I couldn’t spell out to the world that I don’t want to act as per other’s wish. At the end of the day, it’s my life where at least I have the discretion to express my views without any disinclination.

The only other time when I feel a little discontented with being single is on my birthday. After college, I don’t have a group of friends who will surprise me with cake on my birthday or spend a whole day making a handmade gift for me.

I barely get few phone calls mostly from family and FB wall full of wishes from people I know, nobody makes me feel special.

I think if I can’t enjoy my own company if I can’t stay happy when I’m single. How do I expect someone else to enjoy my company?

Presume that I’m preparing myself for the person who will be entering my life soon. Make myself better, improve a little for that person.

And being single is great. I have time to work on myself work on my hobbies, polish my skills.

To neutralize the notion…………

we commonly become emotional, either in times of sorrow e.g. at being separated from a loved one, at experiencing failure in an external event, on hearing a negative news, etc. or in times of joy.

The kind of stress is generally made up sorrow, anger, and fear – one of these three different negative emotions from time to time or more than one at the same time – phases of dejection or feeling low or a lack of enthusiasm or a general disinterest in life events; phases of frustration and experiencing a lack of control of events and people, due to which there are frequent outbursts of anger and phases of immense worry regarding the future, all of which affect our mind, our physical body, relationships and even success of our role; although it is our role itself (our over-identification with it) which is the root cause of this emotional turmoil inside us. So instead of benefitting our role, our over-concern for it starts affecting it adversely.

 Doctors inform us that over 90% of the physical body’s illnesses have a psychosomatic (mental) origin i.e. they are a direct or indirect result of our state of mind. That makes the human body the prime example of how thoughts affect matter.

Remember at the end of the day don’t obsess about it, just relax & live your life. Don’t compare your status to your friends, just enjoy yourself, & when you meet “the one’ you will see it was well worth the wait!!! Hang in there, it will get so much better!

When a man is victimized in a marital relationship?

Rodney and Melina did arrange marriage. Rodney wanted a none working woman to get married as his job entail moving around. Rodney was very focused towards his professional life and due to which he never fell ever for any woman in his life.

 Melina was his first, last (may be) and only love. He gave his soul to her and trusted her words because in return Melina said she loved him……

She gave her word that she isn’t a careerist woman and all she needed was a stable family with a well-settled future.

He trusted her each said word and they went ahead and got married.

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He was in the US, looked forward to visiting his home for the first time. He planned to take her to Niagara, as he wants to see the happiness and excitement on her face when she saw the spectacular sight of Niagara. Finally, they left for the trip, along with two more couples and she fought with him throughout the trip and made it a nightmare. He was made to feel small and felt extremely embarrassed. However, he let it go. Their days were peppered with good and bad days. When days were good, they were extremely good and when days were bad they were just horrible. She would walk from the house to the streets all alone. Being a temporary worker on a work permit, He would be scared, embarrassed and worried for her.

When they regret their marriage?……….

 Years rolled by, they got a child. Her parents got to him the cruelest people he has met. Enough said, her parents virtually changed her to act against him and his family. They wanted to take control of their lives through his wife. They lied to her, brainwashed her, they would present one-sided cooked up stories to her and it all culminated in his marriage breaking up. She ran away from his marriage along with his child. He has been robbed of the joys of fatherhood by his wife and gets crooked parents.

She broke his career, that he now rebuilding. He lost out on lots of good opportunities to go abroad and see new places due to problems in his marriage… He longed to take her and his child to new places. He wanted to take her to Ireland someday as it was her dream destination.

They had agreed that they will go abroad once both sets of grandparents get a chance to spend time with their grandchild. Rodney got offers to go abroad too and his office initiated visas. Later he found that she had found a job for herself. He had to let go of his career opportunities and kept hoping that one day he will get to see his child sleep next to him. She would assure him that they will live together again if he did what she asked him to. He set everything aside did everything she asked.

By surrendering the self-respect…………

 Rodney surrendered his self-respect in the hope of rebuilding their lives and to see his child with him. But every time he did what she wanted she would lay newer terms and conditions. At one point it just became way too overwhelming. He realized that she is a ruthless, heartless liar, who never really loved him and lied to him at every step. He said they must live together for the sake of their child but she chose to blame “fate” for their child’s fatherless life. She said she can live without him.

She might have stopped reciprocating to him because of some XYZ reasons but that never meant her love was not genuine. Love just can’t be faked. For her maybe the priorities have changed or she might be interested in somebody else and that might be the reason she doesn’t want to continue.

He was naive and cursed himself to have trusted this girl. To him, Melina neither deserves an institution called marriage nor does she deserve motherhood.

He more than willing to divorce this useless marriage now but a ruthless girl that she is, she will not respectfully separate from him and declined to divorce him as well. Neither did he have a way to see his child? It is ages since he saw his child and he knows the little one is being raised by some of the most uncultured, ruthless savages that he knows of. And yet there is a feeling of helplessness.

When all the doors are closed………

Now Rodney has lost all hope, to an extent that he did not even wish to see her ever again. He does not even want to try for a divorce. She is just not worth anything in his opinion.

She is now living with her parents enjoying her career, posing selfies in social media and spending money, time on herself and when time permits taking care of his child. He sometimes sees wonderful married women who are childless and pray day in and out for a child. Life is never fair right? Here is an undeserving woman enjoying motherhood while the ones that truly deserve motherhood don’t have a child!

Anyway, he just hates her now. Do not want to see her face again. She turned out to be a ruthless, heartless, irresponsible pathological liar.

Today Rodney still recovering from a broken marriage. He misses his child. And he slowly rebuilding himself more aware of realities around him.

He has never met such a bad person in his life and he regrets his decision to marry her. And he hopes no one in this world ever has to go through what he went through.

After loving, Rodney came to the tearful realization that he had married a selfish heartless woman who valued her self-indulgence more than her partner’s and children’s well-being and that she would never change.

Yes…a man can cry! ………..

 CRY! CRY it out once and for all. Crying really lifts off the burden. You’ll feel terrible when you cry, you’ll start rewinding it all in your mind, but just LET IT ALL OUT. You’ll feel hell better later. But then, never ever cry for the same person again.

An unsuccessful relationship often renders people heart broken and shattered in all the possible way. When you are at the receiving end and were deeply involved, you lose the hope to live and these shitty emotions really become life threatening. But no matter what, trust God. We often face situations that we think we can’t handle but we always do and everyone else too.

If you are asked again and again to prove your love to a girl, she is just playing with you. Maybe she is even making a mockery out of you with her friends. You don’t need to chase her and prove that you love her that frequently. You just need to tell her once. It requires a lot of courage to do that. You are putting your friendship at stake. Isn’t that enough to impress a girl? Remeber if she says no. Just move on. There is no wisdom in turning back.  

What is the love relationship psychology?

Keeva and Brian bestie, pursuing their 2nd year of business management. They both were the only child of their parents belongs from the middle-class family. Like these also few more similarities they have, but when it’s come to their goal about the career they became very classified. Brian helps her a lot in her studies he forever is a good score achiever in mathematics while the opposite is Keeva whose maths grade was not so satisfactory one but still Keeva surprised when Brian asked her to help him with his maths worksheet even he is the master of calculation.

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Their relationship slowly had been reaching beyond that friendship where earlier when Keeva used to share her lunch box with Brian, he never felt discomfort to have it, in fact, many times he snatched it from her hand, when its comes to his favourite items made by his sweet aunt (Keeva’s mother) as guys never carry lunch box after clicked from school, but now he begins to say her thanks for even a small bite of it. Even she observed that Brian was so jealous if he spots her talking with some other guy. He would keep taunting her for that it could be irritating.

 How to define this caring?………..

 Keeva noticed that sudden change grew up within him because his uttering of ‘thanks and sorry’ grew with passing days where earlier Brian never behaved so formal ever with his bestie. He now starts to learn to cook her favorite dish from his mother and make aware his parents about her. He always tries to surprise her for making her laugh. Even while crossing the road he always holds her hands and walks beside her in such a way that if a car hits then he would be the one to get hit first.

Keeva understood that Brian had already fallen for her and he won’t be able to express his feelings in front of her so she waited for his confession.

There Keeva’s parents had already started searching suitable groom for their daughter Keeva. Even her father chose the groom and fixed up the final date of marriage of Keeva without granting her affirmation. Her father when acknowledged her about her marriage with Sam, she in her low voice just told them that she didn’t want to marry now as after completion of her education she wants to do the job. But Keeva’s father was the man of the house who never thought necessary to take opinion from his family ever on any significant issue.

Here she was eagerly waiting for Brian’s up-front confession about his feelings as Brian gave her subtle hints like talking about family and kids. Yes, he talks about kids with her, the topic which freaks us out. The only reason for which he talking about kids with her is that he loves her and want their kids to look up to her as he knows that she would be a great mom. He already started thinking about her as his wife. She felt the gush in her blood.

Keeva observed his blushes when their friends derisively uttered her name with him. She felt when he cares her, respect her each sole decision and loves her in his eyes and in his smile.

Entering of someone……………..

Ultimately the day came when she had been convinced by her parents for marriage because she knows well that her father would never listen to her voice nor her mother has that guts to go against the decision of her father.

Keeva never met Sam before the engagement. She wasn’t thrilled to meet him. Sam didn’t look good at all. He was out of shape, partly balding and just not a looker at all. Moreover, he was unfriendly by nature.

So finally she got married to Sam without her acceptance and choice.

When she met this guy, she doesn’t think he would mean anything to her. But with passing time, she found genuinely interested in some another man whom the world defined as her husband. She even laughed at his stupid jokes and shared all her stories definitely except her past affection, just to keep the conversation going. Sam even casually flirted enough with his wife which makes her feel that he was interested too and she felt a different sort of happiness, not the kind when she was hanging out with her friends.

 As she now realized that Sam was the man in her life with whom she would have to spend her whole life with full faith and for this only reason she decided that she will share the utmost secret of her life regarding her bestie with her husband Sam because she doesn’t want to keep her husband in dark. As she wished for a new beginning.

Time revealed the past…………..

By trusting Sam’s affection, Keeva told him everything about her past. She portrayed her husband that how her bestie Brian feel for her intensely but never dare to proclaim ever in her presence. Sam now eager to listen in brief about their fondness, he makes the ambiance so friendly while listening all those that Keeva shared her all good moments spent with her bestie where the phase came when they both realized that their relationship now reached beyond the friendship.

It was all good for a while. But suddenly Sam just stops and those conversations become awkward. That drifts, she wondered that where she went wrong. What could have been? Those sleepless nights.

All of a sudden the past sharing of Keeva with her husband snatched her all marital happiness within a second. Sam changed the color like a chameleon. She started questioning him but didn’t get any answers not even got a proper closure. That moment where she has to learn to let go and it’s not so easy letting someone go when there was nothing to hate about the person. We all know how this goes.

When the relationship changes its color……..….

Sam never behaved nicely with her after that night. He comes back from office around 10.00pm, she already in the kitchen heating up the dinner. They sat for dinner, she asked him ‘How was your day?’ his response, ‘pathetic’ and she was not asked any further…

The dinner ends in silence in the next 10 minutes, he was already exhausted by then and leave to go to bed as he gets up at 6 am. No communication whatsoever.

They are forced to walk away and pretend like they didn’t mean anything to each other. For Sam once a cheater is always a cheater, so he never gave another chance to his partner after breaking his heart.

She started questioning but didn’t get any answer. Keeva now realized that Sam behaved like a typical husband who could never be her bestie. She shared her past with this faith that Sam would take it in a lighter way, exactly like Brian who comprehend her all good and bad sharing in a very casual manner when his reactions were always only for that moment, time specific, he never held a thing for a long time nor interpreted it ever in a differ way. He never gives up on her, when she starts freaking out because he knows how to calm down her. She was the only medicine for all his problems. Her voice, even a missed call from her was enough to lift him up in his life.

Sam never behaved nicely after that. He treats her like a servant. Even when she fell sick and did all household chores in her high fever, when she literally unable to get up and fetch herself a glass of water… her husband goes about his routine as if she does not exist. There were so many ways in which time and again, she received the message that he doesn’t love her. The relationship is closed chapter now for her and she pushed herself hard to move on.

 Now for Keeva sharing any problem with her parents was useless as they didn’t even consider those things a problem and it will only be a problem if her husband started beating her daily. She knew very firmly that there is always one person in the relationship who loves more than the other. The person who loves the least will have more control on the relation.

Feeling of repent …………….

Keeva’s marital life was now standing on compromise. She regrets that why she unravel her past to her husband when her husband wouldn’t ready to accept it as the past only which has no existence with her present and future. Moreover neither she had an affair with her bestie nor had any physical relation then on which basis her husband behaved so irrelevant with her? What was her crime?

Is to share the good memories of past with our closed ones is a crime? If yes then never share that past with your spouse which will destroy your marital life because at the end of the day they will also behave typically with you by overlooking your candor. Whereas they like openness but when its come to their personal life they wouldn’t ready to come out from that conventional shield of ignorant and egoism and immediately reacts.

Earlier Sam would love to play with her hairs, he would hold that strand of hair and gently put it behind her ear. Again to write her name on her back with his finger and then asked her to guess the word. Now circumstances were quite changed and her presence in the same room was also enough reason to irritate Sam.

While doing copulation Sam never asks her acquiescence, he treated her like a slave on the bed his animalism often shows on her physic. Whereas Brian never asks her to sleep with him against her wish because he respects her decision and won’t stop loving even if would say NO to him. She will have to initiate the talk if she wants to have it. If happens otherwise, it’s a warning sign. Because of he afraid to lose her for something as superficial as sex and he respects her too much to see her naked. He treats her like a precious diamond or a delicate doll. The care and compassion with which he handles her would melt her heart till.

She felt repent every second now that why she wouldn’t confess about her feelings towards Brian instead of waiting for his divulge. If she doesn’t wait for his confession then today they might have been living together.

 Brian cannot imagine his life without her as she was his oxygen, his water and every damn thing which is necessary for life. As he would treat her like a part of his soul and he was incomplete without her. She knows that her all dreams have died. Sometimes, she doesn’t even feel alive anymore. She has given up because she has no strength left to fight.

Remember few significant aspects of life………

  • Never lose your self-respect.
  • Let them blabber when they are angry, just stay calm ..! What goes around comes around.
  • Remember you survived even before you met that person, you can live even after they leave
  • Lack of communication, especially when it’s mandatory to uttered your feelings before it’s too late to solidify a relationship and when there is a misunderstanding also there where. No Communication is NEVER a solution to any problem in life. Be it friendship/romantic relationship or any other relationship. Sometimes they misunderstand you as being desperate when all you want is to be understood.
  • Care is sometimes misunderstood as pestering, love as torturing, not moving on as weakness and not letting go as stubbornness!
  • You are your best friend and you won’t judge yourself because only you know your true self and intentions.

What relationship advice for teenager sibling?

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Let begin with the definition of Teenager!……….

The teenager……..the term of which all are aware but the most interesting aspect is the teenager himself/herself not aware of that and its consequences.

 As per biological term a young person whose age falls within the range from 13 -19 years, are called teenagers because their age number ends with ‘teen’. During puberty, rapid mental and physical development occurs. Adolescence is the name for this transition period from childhood to parenthood.

I already portrayed about a sibling’s real life horror story in my latest post ….”What relationship advice for horrific lascivious sibling?“, where I narrated about the sibling that how their long age gap of 12 years turned to over possessiveness and openness where even they forget the limitation of their relationship and the result ultimately went to the extreme of physical intimacy between them.

Their frankness towards each other never felt them disinclined ever in any aspect of their life, even doesn’t bother for privacy of locking their room during changing their dress because for both they were sibling who took birth from the same womb of their mother and moreover when they were habituated of living the careless life without any shy or privacy since ages then how could they suddenly behave the opposite way of reserve and cautious about their physic.

Elder sibling should follow the vital perspective towards their teenage sibling…..

  • Don’t be over possessive towards your teenage sibling as its the root cause for the cultivation of jealousy and obsession.
  • Make them learn from the beginning that you also have some privacy in your personal life.
  • Too much extrovert and boldness towards your own matured life openly in front of them may destruct the teenager’s concentration.
  • Due to which privacy is significant, so lock your room while you engrossing in your own private life.
  • Taught them the difference in the parameter of affection for each individual relationship.
  • Don’t indulge or ignore their irrational behavior.
  • Along with love, strictness also mandatory towards your junior so that they should obey and respect you also.

 Is really long age gap between sibling healthy ?………

We have seen that sibling with less age gap say from 1 to 5 years always treat like friends where they get the opportunity to grow up with handhold. Where they both are quite known about their same physical structure and mindset. Where they learned each and everything almost parallel way.

Now when the age distance raises above 6 to 15 years or more, then everything from physical to emotional mindset varies between them. As now when the elder one is standing on adolescence but the younger one still in its infancy, and exactly from that crucial phase psychology turned towards each other. As the elder forever treats with the younger like a kid whether the younger with time reach to its teenage but still not ready to accept its mindset by avoiding its adolescence. Here begin the fluctuation and things slowly go worst with the passing of time.

How psychology fluctuates?…..……...

Adolescence can be a difficult time for both teens and their parents. In this stage of development many hormonal, physical and cognitive changes occur.

A teenager mentality popped up with various unusual thoughts because those are unknown factors for them and when they query from us in their ease accent about such things which makes us feel quite funny towards their thoughts. Which many times embarrasses them in front of us and they opt for suppress those queries within them for saving them self from the hand of mockery by others.

Now with the aid of fast technology even they don’t bother to query from us because of they now more comfortable with social media at least where none will mock on their such queries.

But the thing is it’s more hazardous for them because they get to know beyond their subject of the query from that tool. For example, in my post where the teenager has curious about lingerie and about which when he asked about bandeau and the difference in shorts for girls and boys then his elder sister explained him thoroughly without hesitant.

Physical changes became discomfort………

As of now neither parents nor even teachers elaborately explain all those to a teenager for which their thoughts and strange query about biological changes are quite natural.

With the beginning of puberty when the teens undergo with emotional and behavioral changes. Again when the teenage first time met with ejaculation, which occurs on average at age of 13 years. All those sudden changes were enough to feel discomfort.

With the growing of hormones in his 16 years old when now suddenly the teenager found his young elder young sibling having sex with her boyfriend then his desires erupts. He one night suddenly discharges semen in his shorts. He felt yakkk……….

Is too much frankness healthy?..…………..

Every relationship has possessed its certain limits which beyond if we go then it’s turned unhealthy. The long age gap between sibling often makes them incautious towards each other like when the elder desperately ignored the younger’s adolescence and openly do their sophisticated activities in front of a teenager inexperienced guy then it’s quite obvious for premature ejaculation Which even forced a teenager for self-gratification.

Then it’s proved that the elder’s frequent mature activities very openly about their personal sex life are the root cause of arousal within the teenager.

Affection when turned to possessiveness….…….

We all are more or less possessive towards our closed one’s love and caring but as we grow towards maturity with time we firmly differentiate the caring towards each sole relationship. But a teenager since infancy to up to the age of 15 or 16 years circumstantially so accustomed to their closed one’s caring that suddenly it does not so ease to accept some third person’s interference in their closed one’s life to shared out their proportion of affection. When a teenager’s possessiveness cultivates the jealousy and ultimately which outburst with their arrogance. As the immature mindset failed to differentiate the definition and parameter of affection towards each relationship.

 Why obsession forget its limits?……………

The unstable mind of teenager become so obsessed and whimsical sometimes that even its arrogance ready to cross the limit by abolishing the definition of relationship.

Which I narrated in my post when the teenager did coitus with his adorable sister young elder when he found that her sister doing foreplay with her boyfriend and was about to do for their coition then he outbursts and forgets his each limit.

Why this audacity happened?…………….

This is all root cause of our over leniency and ingenuous towards our teenage sibling. This is the very crucial phase of life when you neither be harsh with them nor too much soft. Better handle them like a mature person and make them understand to each vital aspect of life thoroughly under your hard observation because an elder sibling it’s your responsibility to show them right path of life.

As a sibling only has the liberty to know their younger’s each standpoint because friend circle is supposed for our few particular moments of life not for 24*365 and for parents it’s not always possible due to their busy life to query for each aspect and moreover after a certain period of time we become reserve with our parents also.

Then sibling is the only and last option left for us who in real mean could show us a right path of life because they are aware of our each vein thoroughly where either by following them we could demote or promote our life.

For all those elder sibling’s responsibility is forever the highest for built up their younger sibling’s life.

 

 

 

Getting over someone you love!

Olena broke her ex’s, heart. She left Ryan when he wanted to stay. She decided to separate even when Ryan wanted to be together. It’s one of the most difficult decisions of her life though she knew that she was breaking his heart but she also knew that she could never be happy. Olena doesn’t regret the decisions at all but remembers how much it hurt Ryan still brings tears to her eyes.

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Beginning of short love story……………..

Olena was in the 1st year and Ryan in 2nd year fallen in love …post meeting they started chatting on Whatsapp for hours together talking about each other life and other liking and disliking. So in that way, their friendship depended into more than friendship… and there used to be days when they cannot live a day without talking to each other!

It’s was one day, that they were talking normally and then he proposed by saying her angel of his life all of a sudden…. She cannot face it immediately so instantly started crying like anything and then asked him to give her one day to think but she actually took a whole week to decide and he patiently waited for her answer… and said plz don’t cry… and then she said yes happily and came to the relationship!

There are certain times and certain relations in life that just aren’t means to be. Ryan is a gem of a person and she not bad either.

Ryan being loyal and kind, he used to really took care of her and Olena always shyly looked at him. They used to help each other in studies and other problems of life which they faced. There were many obstacles in their relationships but yet they solved it naturedly. Olena was so happy as if she was the happiest girl in this world… they also shared their secrets, dreams, and goals of life.. all went well!

The breakup…………

 They both loved each other dearly. But somehow, as partners, they couldn’t work. They wanted such different things, that it was a constant effort.

Post completed 5-6 months of their relationship, there was a change in behavior and one day Ryan told that he wasn’t feeling comfortable in this relationship and said it’s like a burden and wanted to end this for his academics. So Olena understood his problems and she also decided to just break it up, it was really hard to decide but she always wished that for her nobody should get any problems, it’s his principle of life. She took that decision since he was repeatedly asked for the breakup. She was unhappy by heart but cannot continue this relationship!

After a while, they both gave up. They stopped taking efforts. They stopped asking and they stopped responding. They stopped fighting and they stopped disagreeing. They stopped every kind of engagement. While Ryan took it as a normal thing, she couldn’t. It wasn’t normal for her and it wasn’t what she wanted.

Even though Olena broke his heart, Ryan showed enormous courage and bigness of it. Even though Olena broke his heart, very few people know that it broke her as well.

Post break up………….

After break up, she terribly misses him sometimes but still, they were best friends like before and happy that she didn’t lose him completely. Surprisingly, despite the heartbreaks and pain, with time, their friendship grew. As they parted, they understood each other far more than before. They saw each other in a different light and their respect for each other grew.

Olena saw how impatient she had been and Ryan saw how passive he had been. She saw how immature she had been and he saw how much he took her for granted.

They both learned their lessons but they couldn’t go back. They parted as friends. They are still in touch and will be. They will always wish each other well. 

 

How to be taking care of your parent’s emotions?

How to be caring towards our parents?

Every couple post marriage plan for their family. Sometimes its happens without our planning but majority makes their mind after completely planning about that. In earlier decades say in our grandparents period peoples never think about for family planning for them it’s a natural phenomenon which they happily welcomed in their marital life without bothering too much about the financial scenario. But now with this first growing technology, we always proceed our life with solidifying plans whether its relates to our career establishment, financial strategy or family planning.

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The intention of brought up ………….

As a parent, we always try to give the best within our range to our children with this intention that they get only the best in every aspect of life since from day one of their birth.

Now the thing is parents never do any act with this intention towards their children that in future how much they will get in return of their caring.

Now when our children climbed up in their professional arena with their each achievement we feel as if it’s the result of our hard dedication which pays us with the growth of their establishment. Where we as parents never expect that in future our children will look after us with their hard earned money in our old age.

Imagine your son get married and he now settled his nuclear family at the posh location and they came for a fortnight to stays your home during the summer vacation of your grandchild with gifts. Now it’s obvious that you treat them with your utmost care and affection. Now when your son ask you about your well being and you by intentionally try to hide him about your crisis but as a son, he is able to read his parent’s forehead stress lines so his insisting finally makes you unfold the truth about your debt under the bank. Yes, the bank loan which you took for your son’s abroad education, his marriage, and house renovation yet not been cleared fully. As you thought that after his career settlement he might contribute you for repaying the loan to come out from that debt but he was so entangled in his own life that waved off about his parent’s debt.

The unexpected returns of brought up ………..

Now the question arise in front of your son that post aware about the situation how he will consider the situation’s depths?

In the first case imagine, He next day while doing breakfast with you assured that he with his family would be going back to their home on that day itself because certain urgency in his work field suddenly popped up and that’s why he have to leave your home in the middle of the vacation. Now you insisting your son to stay for at least another a week by postponing that official vital work but he was adamant in his decision. So finally with the heavy heart, you allowed them to proceed but you packed your handmade lunch with their baggage so that they could skip the outside food.

Before they depart now when you called up your 6 years old grandchild in your bedroom to share few gifts with her and starts crying by holding her little puffy hands as you missed her a lot suddenly your grandchild spelled out by seeing you upset that “why are you crying grandma just because we are leaving your home, don’t cry please! Allow me to enjoy the next trip of hills, as my wish of the glance to the fountain hope God listened last night, that’s why Dad booked our tickets for hills today straight away from here. So we will return our home probably after a week. So be cheer up! But I promise you that next time we will surely stay for long with you and grandpa.”

Now you understood that why your son suddenly lies you by using the fake cause of official work because he wants to elope from the situation. Your son scared as if he would continue to further his vacation and in the mean, while you knocked him for the repay of the loan then he might felt embarrassed to say NO to you in front of his child that’s why he skipped from your home early at next day. So your son opts the easiest way of better to skip from the situation rather say No for it.

Now say, in the second case, at next day he personally visits the bank where his father has been debt badly and asked the officials for the possible options of transferring the file of the loan under his name so that he could now clear the remaining part of that loan amount.

We as a parent never thought for a second time when the question arises about the well being of our child that’s why we often fail to stick with our savings during the emergency needs of our children and ready to surrender the amount in the middle of the maturity tenure. But our children teach us that how to strict with their hard earned money by ignoring the closed one’s significant needs.

When the children give back the love and support which their parents have given to them when they were young, parents feel very happy and proud of them.

The rules of love are different than the rules of business, but the principles of reciprocity are always part of every relationship.

You must always make a rule to pay back everyone who has done any good to you in your life so that you can die free of debt and full of peace.

What is your definition of true love?

The beginning of golden days…………

Emily and Andrew both same age of 22 years old fell in love for each other during their college days. The most sensual time of our life when we love to feel the emotions of our life profoundly without any strain and too much bother about the past, present and future scenario. Exactly Emily and Andrew also spent their days with lots of vows for their upcoming future but they skip to include one major thing in their promise. Now, what is that significant aspect which we majority skip while giving words to our beloved during those lovable days at the initial of our journey?

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Emily was short and dark with bulky waist and Andrew in his thick high power glasses with the dark complexion, both didn’t so attractive for others. But their looks were always appreciated by each others perspective. Truly said that “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” Yes…this is love.

For others they are ugly but for them, they are the most beautiful person in the earth. Like other girls, Emily loves to wear western outfit but the thing is nothing goes perfectly in her bulky short height even if she wore Jeans then its looks quite funny in her 4’8”. That’s why she preferred for eastern outfits with vibrant colors whereas she knew that her dark skin texture not at all goes with those dark shades but for Andrew, she wore those specific bold colors like red, blue, mauve, yellow because Andrew loves to see her in those dark colorful dresses.

While walking on road peoples often used to laugh at them but they didn’t bother ever on anyone’s comments. Yes….this is love, where we both are the compliment to each other forever. Though in the aspect of looks they couldn’t beat others in intelligence, they always stood as number one. Emily and Andrew both ranked in class with 2 or 3 marginal gaps scoring between them which were really appreciatable by professors. Even if anyhow they found that their faculty appreciates to anyone among them then they instantly placed their partner’s performance to them in the sense of highlighting that their partner also equally doing best on that particular subject.

Though in the aspect of looks they couldn’t beat others while in intelligence, they always stood as number one. Emily and Andrew both ranked in class with 2 or 3 marginal gaps scoring between them which were really appreciatable by professors. Even if anyhow they found that their faculty appreciates to anyone among them then they instantly placed their partner’s performance to them in the sense of highlighting that their partner also equally doing best on that particular subject. Yes…this is love, where they liked to share the appreciation also together.

Andrew, the only child of his parents who belongs from a rich family whereas Emily the elder sister among 3 sisters who belongs from a middle-class family. Andrew during earlier days of his college used to dress up like rich guys where he never wore the same t-shirt twice in his life whereas Emily who used to continue the same eastern (Patiala salwar) outfit for 3 or 4 days. For her only two set of clothes was enough for her collage purpose which she washed regularly and wore without ironing the clothes. Her lump sum earning from part time job of tuition aid her in education expense which she never wastes for buying any cosmetics or other girly accessories ever. But Andrew post fell in love with Emily, now continued his same t-shirt for 3 or 4 days (washable only without ironing) exactly like Emily because he doesn’t want to make her feel poor in front of him. Yes….this is love, where to be empathetic about each other matters a lot.

Later few years……………

In this way, there are many aspects where they both gladly accepted opposite’s liking and dislikings without any objection. With time the intensity of their bonding compounded. Later a few years now they both well settled in different MNC.

Like others, Andrew’s parents also have a dream regarding their son’s marriage. Andrew wasn’t so good looking that’s why his mother forever wished for a beautiful bride for him with this hope that their would be grandchild will surely be born with a pretty face.

 Andrew acknowledged his parents about his intense affair with Emily and his hard determination of marrying her. Needless to explain his parent’s reaction..his parents first time felt that their son has enough grown up to take his vital decision of life without bothering about his parent’s emotion and wish. His mother was completely against of this marriage as she wished for a beautiful bride for her only son.

 Andrew’s mother narrated him that Emily neither beautiful nor a compatible match for him but Andrew summarised his mother that “Emily is the most beautiful girl on this earth, who only made for me, so don’t ever go with her physical appearance try to discover the inner beauty within her, the real human being.” Yes….this is love, where physical beauty not matters in the aspect of internal beauty.

There Emily’s parents don’t have any objection regarding this marriage but one thing which they assured to Andrew is that they couldn’t bear the expense of marriage in a grand way nor could provide the dowry to groom’s family. But for Andrew, all those small issues couldn’t pause his aim of getting Emily in his life for forever. So finally they did court marriage with this pledge that their affection and trust towards each other will remain constant for forever.

Their new beginning……………

Andrew and Emily entered in their new journey of marital life where the question arise is would their intense affection towards each other remain same in their coming days?

Post marriage they both now engrossed in their career and responsibility where they didn’t get the time also to share few quality moments with each other. For them, their relationship now reached at the safest verge where it’s not mandatory to spare at least an hour like earlier days. Moreover, for them, they knew each other’s vein thoroughly then why to sit together for indulging each other’s unwillingness and willingness.

They both felt tired after the long working exhausted schedule which declined their enthuse for spending few couple of hours. There Andrew’s mother wasn’t pleased with her daughter-in-law, so she never asked for anything from Emily which was quite embarrassing for Emily as a newly wedded wife. Not even her mother-in-law ever allowed her steps in kitchen work or for any other household work. She told this matter to her husband Andrew but for Andrew, it’s his mother’s affection towards her daughter-in-law. Emily thought might be Andrew was right in his view so she overlooked the matter. Andrew called her mother as Mamma so Emily also called the same to her mother-in-law.

Later 2 months of their marriage now Emily wants seriously few responsibilities of her in-law’s house for which she directly asked her mother-in-law that “why Mamma you don’t give me to do any household work like other mother-in-laws gives to their daughter-in-law?” Her Mamma replied to her “Emily, this is your initial days where you should concentrate on your husband and job, don’t take stress about household work and cooking I’m here to look after after for all those things.”

 There Andrew forever praised his mother for her affection and kindness towards her daughter-in-law. Emily initially ignored that but with passing days she now realized that her mother-in-law didn’t like her daughter-in-law’s interference in their family and that is the reason she never allowed Emily in any household work. Not only that in front of guests she always pretends that her office going daughter-in-law neither care towards her family’s duties nor had the time for cooking or any other household work and that is why she still in her 60s had been continuing all those.

Why such discrimination?…………..

Emily now directly narrated all those issues to her husband but this time Andrew assured her that she wouldn’t ready to accepts his mother’s kindness instead always pointing her because she couldn’t adjust with his mother.

Next day Andrew told his mother directly that she should allow her daughter-in-law for cooking because Emily needs to learn all those as she is the daughter-in-law of their house so let her allowed for all those. His mother replied that as a working woman how could she manage time for cooking but still if Emily insists for that then she doesn’t have any issue.

Emily was very happy as she got the approval for doing cooking first time for her husband and family. But unfortunately, none couldn’t swallow the food making by her as its so tasteless. She narrated them that how she cooked delicious items for her parents before marriage during weekends but now she not understood that how suddenly the same recipe turned so tasteless that not even she swallowed that.

 Not only for a day in fact after every alternate day she messed up their meals by making tasteless food. Finally after a few days now Andrew assured her that better she stay away from his mother’s kitchen because she should first learn cooking from his mother then only she would be allowed to cook further until and unless no need to stepped in at the kitchen. Emily tried to justify herself right but Andrew wasn’t ready to listen her justification for him she asked the opportunity of cooking from his mother but she failed to proof herself eligible for that task.

In this way in many small-small aspects of the household task, she proved her imperfection like the burning of clothes while ironing, misplaced her husband’s important file.

Slowly her mistakes became the cause of their arguments which now with passing days cultivated distance between the couple. For Emily, her soulmate now failed to read her mind and for Andrew now his beloved became irresponsible towards her marital life. Emily realized that something is going wrong but what’s that? As her mother-in-law never talked loud with her nor she ever counts her daughter-in-law’s mistakes. Then who is responsible and how each thing one after another going against her?

The truth revealed…………

There Andrew was enough exhausted of her every day’s justification. Finally, Emily decided to keep on eyes on her mother-in-law’s activities and her suspicion towards her mother-in-law was proved correct. Now she understood the truth behind the screen was something different like whatever work she does whether it’s cooking or ironing or to keep important documents in the locker, her mother-in-law very shrewdly messed up all those so that Emily forever proved as a worthless and careless in front of her husband and all.

Now she summarized everything to Andrew at the closed door, needless to explain the situation that how difficult it’s for a son to gulp all those allegations against his benevolent mother from his beloved wife. So the result was quite common for us that now only wife sustain in the man’s life that beloved term waved off instantly….is it, love? Where the trust and faith are so fragile……

Andrew next day in front of his mother narrated everything which had been blaming by Emily against his mother.

Mamma: I love the utmost to my son, in that aspect his liking and disliking matters for me a lot then how could I think also to give pain to you Emily? When I know it firmly that what’s the importance of yours in my son’s life.

Andrew: Exactly Mamma I also try to make her understand the same thing that my Mamma loves you like her daughter unless she might behave like typical mother-in-law who always one step ahead to treat with their daughter-in-law as their personal maid, whereas my Mamma never ask you for any household work not even for cooking also she never told you anything ever for your often mistakes in many works.

Emily: Yes, it’s true that Mamma never asked me for any household work because she never likes the interference of her daughter-in-law in her family.

Andrew: How so mean is your thoughts against my Mamma, I never thought that one day my Mamma’s over indulgence towards you makes you feel negative towards her kind and affectionate intention.

Emily: Then ask your mother why she messed up my each deed either its cooking or ironing behind my eyes?

Andrew: about to slap her… but his mother held his hand. See.., this is my mother about whom Emily you pointed the finger now she held my hand from slapping you.

 Her mother-in-law’s crocodile tears now melt her son towards her within a fraction of second that he even forget those oath taken by them during their initial golden days of affairs……where to be empathetic about each other matters a lot.

Break up of eternal love……….

Actually Mamma forever wished for a beautiful rich bride for her only adorable son Andrew but when Andrew without bothering about his parent’s acceptance married to his choice able girl then his Mamma planned that only her diplomatic ploys could separate them because she never like Emily as her daughter-in-law since beginning so at any cost she wanted to throw Emily from her son’s life. That’s why she always pretends her kindness and generosity in front of all even in front of Emily also so that none could ever doubt on her any act.

They got separated and the issue finally moved to court for the mutual divorce. During this tenure of separation, they never called up to each other. For both, they never thought that they would be failed to keep their promise of being together for forever in the middle of their journey of life. The day came when they were about to sign the court papers at the bench by witnessing their lawyers and Judicial Magistrate asked to both for their final decision of separation then Andrew asked “Your Honour may I say few words to Emily …my wife?”

 The magistrate granted his permission, now Andrew told to Emily in front of the bench “Emily you remembered our earlier days of the affair when we both had taken many pledges for our upcoming life about our eternal love but with the time that eternity has faded. But among all those vows we have forgotten to take one significant vow and that is we shouldn’t allow any second person in between us who would manipulate our relationship. I taught this biggest lesson from my father who never left my mother’s hand whatever wrong act she did in her life so I realized my biggest mistake of not relying upon your words so would you like to give one more chance to our eternal love?”

Emily with teary eyed acknowledged her acceptance……Yes ……. this is True Love! Where we will prefer to die but never give up…. 

How to get over a breakup?

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none …… William Shakespeare.” 

Clarin 25 years old gorgeous working in an MNC, like other parents her parents also have lots of dreams and plans for her marriage. But Clarin doesn’t have any interest in guys and marriage which is the biggest cause of strain for her parents. For others, Clarin’s attitudes are quite abnormal towards guys. She not even ready to talk or take the favor from any guys also nor ready to accept friendship even in Facebook.

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 First experience of love and break up……….

Like others, clarin has the past about which she never disclosed with none in her surroundings. Her first love Sam, with whom she explored the essence of love. First love always left an imprint on mind canvas for forever. Clarin still remembers those golden days of her life.

A girl never forget those days of her life when first time someone makes that normal day into a very special day by making her realize that….. how beautiful she is! What importance she has in his life? What qualities she possess which attracts him towards her? How different she is from rest all? What forced him to think only about her?

Yes……….these are all those significant things which first time she gets to heard by someone that makes her feel that she is really very special in someone’s eyes.

The first lip kiss and embrace cultivates her arousal when she began to imagine her man while rolling on the bed. Now with the variant pose at each angle, she views herself in mirror randomly and tries to identify that exact angle of her face which mesmerized her partner. Sam’s pampering made her the most beautiful girl in her college. Days never seemed so beautiful earlier in her life. Her taste and choice now overwhelmed by her beloved’s taste.

Later 7 months suddenly Sam switched off from Clarin’s life exactly at that phase when Clarin’s each thought and desire was completely dependent on him where she couldn’t imagine her life beyond him for a second also. But surely he narrated her the cause of his sudden u-turn that “Clarin you are not my type so better we give pause for our relationship…”

Yes…. she is not at all Sam’s type because Sam wants to physically intimate with her to take the charm of their lovemaking at the hotel room where Clarin’s ethics not allowed her before marriage because she had a fear that if after sexual intimacy Sam left her and not shown his interest in marriage. Her fear came true but not after by surrendering her physic surely before that. She locked her shattered life in the darkness of the room. Time paused for her, her parents noticed her gloomy attitude, no words she had to explain others but carrying huge pain inside.

Have you ever tried to explore yourself? ………

Ask this one single question before someone spits it on your face that does you know your real worth? If you see yourself liking a wrong man, you must ask your mind and heart that, “Why? Who are you? What is wrong with me? Am I an ugly girl? In similar terms, you must have answers to the cited questions. “I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead, they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t …….. Marilyn Monroe.” 

 Self-counseling is needed to change your perspective, “Are you an option for other people? No offense, but never ever give priority to someone for whom you are just an option. Forever remember that the act of inclining towards someone make them aware about your addiction for them, they will make sure that at every moment you suffer from an acute pain of their addiction. Many women affirmed that even after their one hundred percent efforts they failed to give up an addiction, ‘just not happening’ like situation.

Our intense habits couldn’t wave off within a day or year because changing habits isn’t an ease thing to do, but for our betterment, we should have to adopt these. Therefore, one should behave at the size of her brain and not at the size of her shoe. As we all aware that nothing is impossible it’s just our one thought which could really change our life even after the break up of long term relationship.  

Let’s give another chance …………

There are positive and negative waves around us, which respond as per our attitude towards them. Therefore, don’t let the negative waves come near you and always keep the options open.

Later a few years now she joined in an MNC just after completion of her education. Rik, her Boss almost 12 years senior to her proposed her. Needless to explain how she rebuffed his proposal. “Sorry, I can accept your proposal. No offense, but I hate men.”

 There is nothing odd in falling for a wrong person, but the issue arises whenever we failed to recollect ourself after a serious breakup and our suspicious attitude grow for all man.

Rik’s gray hair of matured thinking towards life impressed Clarin and finally, she accepted his proposal with this hope that she had finally got someone who would never go against her affection. Clarin portrayed Rik about the cause of her noninterest towards love that how her first love Sam ditched her in the mid path of their relationship by trampling his all commitment towards Clarin.

Later 6 months of their relationship now Clarin was ready to surrender herself to Rik because this time she doesn’t want to repeat her mistake by disallowing her lover to come physically close to her. So finally they physically intimated.

 But is it really the way, to be physically intimate to make our relationship stronger before we tie up? if yes then why Clarin failed to keep her relationship?

Yes…. after a year she met her second break-up with Rik, but the question is why she had been faced the same? Rik as a senior aged guy who very easily read Clarin’s mind thoroughly, when she narrated him about the cause of her first breakup with Sam. Rik knew that today or tomorrow Clarin will surely agree for physical intimacy with him because this time she wouldn’t take the risk of again lose her lover. But Rik roughly used her emotions because it’s his ploy towards Clarin by showing sympathy for her past and take her in his grip strongly.

Is really solace need to heal our pain?…………

We human being always craved for praise and sympathy and that’s why often bad people plays with our emotions by hiding their original intention towards their fake sympathy. Learn to take self-decisions independently. Always remember, gray hair does not define a person’s maturity level, capabilities of taking decisions for self-does. Therefore, do not let others decide for you, have your own decisions, at last, if something goes wrong you know it is only you responsible for that and it is only you who can rectify it.

Never wait for other’s solace instead stand up straight by holding your two hands strongly and say it loudly that none has the power to break me emotionally as I’m the most beautiful and strongest soul on the earth.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present ……..Bil Keane.”