Why extra marital affairs happen?………..
Peoples are more open about their needs and less likely to make a commitment when they’re not interested in making a commitment. Divorce is no longer an atrocity, so a lousy marriage can be ended.
Cheating in committed relationships outside marriage happens because people feel such relationships are ‘open’..they can walk out anytime without a major loss to both parties.
Frankly speaking, there is no reason to expect loyalty and dedication from your partner in a culture that perpetuates the message of “Enjoy as much as possible with no consideration for anything else.”
Without social, religious and moral values there is no difference between human and animal society. There is no concept of cheating for dogs and need not be for such a human society as well.
In short, the culture of free sex and absence of any sense of duty and obligation in society has led to increased cheating a natural consequence. It is not even considered cheating when you take away the moral obligation of loyalty.
Causes of extra marital affairs……….
- Lack of sexual satisfaction in a relationship… Both women and men who enter into affairs are hoping to improve their sex lives. They may enjoy many other mutual activities but, for whatever reason, the sex is not working out for them.
- Lack of emotional satisfaction in a relationship… Seeking emotional intimacy can be nearly as compelling a reason to have an affair as can seeking physical intimacy.
- Craving emotional endorsement….. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other.
- Falling in love or infatuation… Most times it’s either infatuation where you can’t help with infatuations other than self-control. Emotional intimacy plus sexual closeness seems to be a more important factor that leads partners to stray.
- Lack of interest……. When you are not happy in a relationship like not understanding each other or someone is not interested in you then the person discusses with you something but another one not responded as desired.
- Carry forward relation…….. Say he/ she want to marry someone else and stuck with you now he/she carry their relationship after marriage as an extra marital affair as it’s a forceful marriage and the person is not ready for the marriage.
Cheating is breaking the rules of a relationship…..
If you are in a relationship that permits you to sleep with other people for pleasure, it is not cheating. If your relationship forbids sleeping with other people, it is. If you personally think sleeping with other people for pleasure is okay, choose relationship partners who also think it’s okay.
There is nothing harmless about flirting or having a crush when you’re in a relationship. These things sow seeds of doubt and mistrust between you and your partner, and they set the person up who is doing them for failure.
If you are in the habit of sparking a romantic connection (flirting) between you and other people, then it is only a matter of time before you will become emotionally attached to someone other than your spouse.
That’s what an emotional affair is, and it’s not harmless. It’s an emotional attachment—entertaining, playing with, and pursuing the feelings that are growing between you and someone else.
People only have so much emotional energy to give, and in order to give some of that energy to someone else, you have to take it away from your relationship partner, which is a form of cheating.
All have enough reasons to explain………
I will explain you friends this thing with an example happened with one of my college friend a few years back when he shifted at his new flat. There was a married woman, she was very beautiful and very extrovert in her 36 years of age, she was married since 15 years. Now when my friend shifted to his new flat and he met her at the new year party and she asked him for his number though he had a crush on her so without delayed he shared his number with her. Next day onwards she started calling him every night and they use to talk for hours. One day she portrayed him about her husband who was 20 years older than her, about the generation gap regarding her poor sex life and the fights that used to took place between her and her husband. Now she asked him for a relationship, though she wanted the only physical relationship as she already had 2 daughters.
Even she aware him about the medicines that she used to take every day to overcome her depression. No doubt she was a very nice woman and eventually, he got ready for the relationship. They got in a relationship and were happy for about 3 months and then her husband got transferred to another city and she left the city afterward.
So what he felt about her is .. she loved her husband and he never found anything wrong if she opted for another relationship because everyone wants to be happy, right now she is doing completely ok. We live just one life then why to live in regret ??
So in this above case, we found that the woman was in need of physical desire because of her worst sex life which made her desperate to be physical with someone despite being the awareness of her status of a wife and a mother of two teenage daughters.
Now let me share another tale of a woman…….
Ruby 45 years old woman whose husband is a cab driver, their 18 years old son Ayur, was doing good in his study despite brought up in an ill atmosphere. Ruby who is in a secret relationship since long about which her son well aware of. Ayur’s father who was a drunkard used to beat his mother every night. In fact, he described that his father treated worse than an animal with his mother.
Now Ayur is 18 (legally adult), so he should speak with his mother about this before anything wrong happens. His mother, if caught by his father (might not be) put behind bars for extra-marital affair but her boyfriend surely be (I just got to know that Indian Penal Code only punishes males for adultery. Wow! That’s like hitting a new low), doesn’t matter how his father treated her because the court works according to evidence and not emotions.
Second, he should talk and convince his mother to separate from his father, and support her in starting this new life with her boyfriend – and since the man also loves and respects Ayur as his son, so I don’t think he can have a problem adjusting in a new household. Meanwhile, just he must support his mother and convince her to take a divorce as soon as possible. I’m sure his mom’s boyfriend would support her in it.
And it isn’t a big deal to take a divorce. Divorces happen all the time and in every age. Everyone has the right to be happy, and if she has spent 19 years of her life in this toxic marriage, she too deserves one chance at her life.
Now, she isn’t characterless, everyone has the right to ‘live’, and her son only described that his father treated her worse than an animal and supporting her which is rare and appreciatable. Here in her case, she fell for someone else because that gap was there in her life since the beginning which her husband never fulfilled which makes her emotionally weaken and that support when she got from someone else, then she felt like life become a bit easier than earlier to cross the daily hurdles.
In fact in many cases when a woman came to know about her husband that he has an affair then there cultivates a constant inner fight within the woman that whether she should forgive something which is against her soul’s beliefs. Which ultimately weaken her drastically, that not even she will able to raising her voice against that act but neither she will able to show anyone nor will elope from the situation. So it’s easy for people to say “forgive and forget” but not if your soul cries and eventually dies because he is still in your life.
Most women are used to being submissive to their husbands and no longer assert their individuality, whether they work or not, whether they are financially independent or not. Those who are financially independent are again worried about the social stigma involved in being a divorcee.
Most often, their parents and friends do not support their decision and they are ostracized from the society they live in. Again, women care more about the consequences of a divorce on their kids and worry about spoiling their future. Of course, there are a few women who remain in such a marriage and start an affair themselves as tit for tat.
For unexciting marriage communication need ……
Either or both partners are not trying to galvanize their marriage and they simply are disinterest in their typical marriage. In many cases, it’s a thrill to have sex with outsider other than your partner but if you open this idea to your partner, you may get a positive response (either they will try for adventures to keep the marriage interesting or they will agree for triad/tetrad). It’s a matter of communication gap between partners.
Is it reasonable…………..
Many times it is. When man or woman feels he/she has a raw deal in marriage and cannot escape from it due to economic or social reasons, then there is a thought can I get the things elsewhere from another person what I am not getting in marriage from my spouse?
If it is risk-free without rocking the marriage boat, man/woman might try an extra marital affair. These types justify to themselves that they are doing nothing wrong or immoral and are getting their rightful dues.
Personally, I would like to say extra marital affair reasonable if spouse also engages in affairs, has no time for spouse, cannot satisfy mentally, physically and is economically broke or socially a misfit for any meaningful transaction because at the end of the day all have the rights to take a calm breadth.
The heart contains a thousand gates, through which a thousand feelings and thoughts arise, in it, someone will come, some one will stay. How they came in or left will not be realized. If only one person stays in it, then there will be no remorse but when one is already there, another tries to come in, then there will never be peace.